Things that make you go aww
by wotcher98
Summary: Remus Lupin did not go aww over things. But what happen when one clumsy endearing auror enters his life who makes his heart flutter and raise in him a desire to go aww over her?
1. prologue

_Hello everyone. I here present a small or may be not so small series to you all. Its a series of cute and fluffy Remus/Tonks incidents. They are my favorite couple,you see.I read and write only their fan fics. Now, I leave you to enjoy it, atleast I hope you do :)_

_Warnings : repeatedly reading 'aww' might make your brain go fuzzy_

**Disclaimer****- all belongs to Madam Rowling.**

Things that make you go 'aww'

_Meaning of aww: _

_interjection: used to express sentimental or sugary approval._

Remus Lupin was not the kind of man to go _'aww'_ over things, meaning what kind of man say _'aww'_? It dampens your masculinity. Men just don't go _'aww'_ over things that are too cute too adorable too desirable too tempting. Men might say _'ah'_ or _'oh'_ or _'hmm'_._ 'Aww'_ is just too... _girlish_.

He remembers once in his second year a girl in their year had bought a cute little kitten with them. It was probably the most adorable little creature Remus had ever seen. The other girls had surrounded the kitten and were doing all sort of _'mmmmm'_ or '_sho shweet'_ or _'umuuuaaah'_. Remus was bursting to give in to the desire to _aww_ over the kitten, Merlin knew it deserved the best _aww_. It was white & fluffy and purring by flicking its pink little tongue time to time but it was Peter who first gave in to the desire.

He said "awwwwwww its sooo cuteeee!"

He had to endure ten minutes of staring from the boys, who were wide eyed and looking at him as if he had just broken through a major rule of being a man, which he had probably, though a 12 year can hardly be called guy let alone a man. Anyways when Peter has said that, indeed it sounded heinous coming from a mouth of a boy. Girls might look cute while doing and saying such things, but boys aren't supposed to be_ cute._

From that day onward, Remus swore he was never going to go _'awww'_ over things.

But nature was cruel, fate was cruel, which was intent on breaking his oath. Ever since he had met Nymphadora Tonks there in his heart, was raging, an internal battle within himself to go _aww_ over the girl. There are times when he is bursting and he feels like do hell with masculine pride that girl was charming... a small _aww_ won't hurt. He was sure that one day all the bottled up _'awwws'_ will explode and then he will probably not only give the longest _aww_ of his life, he might as well as _purr_ and _curl up_ around that girl and just die in peaceful silence.

But he held his ground. He had survived first war and had came out triumphantly from many battle, he was just not going to break his oath for a girl... No matter how beautiful were those big eyes, how those round hips swayed, or how her pink hair were the fluffiest things or how her pink cupid lips were...

Enough... Ahem...

He was a man for Merlin's sake, and respectable one at that, no matter what the wizarding society said about him being a werewolf, but drooling over a girl, with a amount of saliva that was enough to make Dumbledore trip let alone one clumsy said Auror... Though her clumsiness was sweet, endearing, winning and the blush that artfully colored her cheek after she falls or trip is irresistible...

No...!

He mustn't think so... He shouldn't... He couldn't... He wouldn't...

He will not_ aww_ over her!  
_Will not.!_

Little did he knew how wrong will he be proven in the future...  
It was just the beginning.

**Tbc**

A:N/ Please I have put a lot of thought into this, and I will be updating regularly, so if you find it good enough please review. Even if you don't I will still love review criticizing so that I could improve. I am also open to ideas and suggestions of particular incidents in which you wish to see remus and tonks interact. Thank you :)


	2. Big brown 'puppy dog' eyes

_Disclaimer- I do not own Harry Potter_

When first time Remus met Tonks he was in a fury. He was at Grimmauld place and an order meeting was to start after 30 minutes. Members were yet to come and he was indulging himself with Sirius for past half an hour and temperature of the room as well as his brain was getting high. Sirius was in one of his sullen moods and was blaming the world in general. Remus knew that if he stayed in the room for 5 minutes more he might explode and _Remus Lupin never explodes_ because Remus Lupin was as cool as cucumber man, he was logical and practical, he was not the one to given to the moment of fury. Hence he decided he was in dire need of fresh air, as fresh air as you can get in front of Grimmauld place, before the meeting starts because he need to calm down for it.

He didn't knew why he was getting worked up in first place. It wasn't first time Sirius was ranting, God knew with him being stuck up in the house, he needed to get out all his frustration in open and all he needed was a good listener, which Remus was, thought sometimes, the unfairness of it all, and his own problems caught up with him.

He hastily excused himself and walked as fast as one could without actually calling it running and opened the door with as much as force he could muster so as to transfer his all annoyance in to the door opening and...

_...Bang...!_

He saw stars for few moments. _That was one solid head he thought_, when he looked up to see what he had ran into.

What he noticed first was something green, only if his brain was functioning properly at the moment he would have known that the green was indeed somebody's hair. Second thing he noticed was the said head's forehead with a pink little bump and a soft pale hand caressing it. But the third thing which he noticed was what caught his attention most.

Two big brown eyes. Beautiful chocolate color eyes, twinkling and sparkling with little flecks of gold and light brown. They held all the warmth, and reminded him of his favorite Honeydukes chocolate and therefore it was the first time after that _second-year-kitten-aww-incident_ that he ever felt so strong desire to exclaim _aww_ over those eyes. So far he had thought only Sirius gave the best puppy dog eyes, what him being a dog and all, but clearly her eyes surpassed all the puppy dog eyes he had ever seen. Without even knowing who was the owner of those eyes, he knew that he would never be able to say no to those eyes.

When those eyes blinked and he caught himself looking at long eyelashes for a second, he remembered he was staring.

He cleared his throat and pulled himself together so as to bring her full face in focus.

She was beautiful, to say the least.

"Um... Wotcher?" her voice was feminine yet strong.

He blinked.

"How can I help you?" His voice was hoarse, he cleared his throat and blinked. Again.

Where was his mind _wandering_? Where was his Constantly vigilant common sense? He was staring at a girl, who was standing at the doorstep of _Grimmauld place_, that Grimmauld which is under the_ Fidelus charm_, and therefore is invisible to other common on goers. Since she obviously can see the place meant she knew the secret and was here for order meeting, now he remembered Moody did mentioned recruiting a new member. And here he was asking _'how can i help you'_ as if she was some bloody _saleswoman_. Of course, he should have guessed it at once that she was the new member.

"Sorry, where are my manners, you must be with Alastor right? I must have bumped you rather hard, I am sorry, I didn't saw you coming, here let me heal you. Though, where is Alastor, how did you found out the place?" he was now rambling and had seemed to asked ten question at once without a breath to spare so that she could even answer and what was he babbling? _Let me heal you_, god, that sounded so corny.

He placed his forefinger on her bruise lightly and through a non verbal spell healed it. The bump was no longer visible and there remained just a pink tinge.

Her eyes widened."You did that without a wand and without uttering a word!" she looked rather impressed.

Come to think of it, why didn't he used a wand? Why was he looking out for a excuse to touch? Why was he _showing off_ to a complete stranger. Though he was rather pleased that she was impressed.

"Ah well, it comes in handy" he said, not wanting to bring more attention to his wandless and non verbal abilities he continued " you didn't mentioned your name? And where is Alastor,by the way? We thought he will be bringing you"

"Well yes, he was bringing me, in fact he even came to my place to pick me up" she said, and he decided that he rather liked her voice "but then started acting all disgusting, he took out that eye of his started plunging and cleaning in a duck pond and it was rather creepy so I decided to just let him do that and apparated here, as i had already seen that note of Dumbledore's" she was animated little creature, rolling her eyes, shaking her head,huffing,doing hand movements at all the right times.

"Duck pond you say? Where did he managed to find a duck pond in the way?"

"Well its near the apparition point of my building. I told him, that it was already dirty but it will serve him right now when he manage to stick duck weed to his eye" there was an evil and mischievous glint in her eye so reminiscent to Sirius's.

No one just left Mad eye Moody mid way. The consequence were always disastrous.

When looked down, now more attentively, he saw she was in ministry Auror robes and beneath were what he could see tiny little black top with patched dark blue jeans.

Ah so she's an auror, interesting, wonder if she know's Sirius is here too and is innocent, or she might just get a right scare seeing a fugitive criminal.

Now that he saw her patched jeans he didn't felt left out. After all his robes were patched too.

He looked up at her and realized that she was staring him with apprehensive appreciating eyes.

"Um who are you,by the way?"

Oh,he had been standing here for past 10 minutes and was constantly chatting with a complete stranger without even knowing her name and without even introducing himself.

"Sorry, I am Remus Lupin" he extended his hand and she shook it vigorously. Though her hands were comparatively smaller than his, she took his hand with equal strength.

"Hello, I am Tonks, just Tonks please, Mad-eye told me about you,in fact he told me about all the members, I am very excited to meet everyone, _especially Sirius_" she whispered Sirius's name and he deflated visibly.

Here was a woman, who had managed to caught his eye and she was excited to meet _Sirius_. He must have know, apart from his already existing handsome features, charming behavior that gave him a haughty aura, he has now added _'tragic heroism'_ to his list of qualities that seem to allure women. Of course she would be excited to meet him. And didn't she just said she knew about him? She probably knew he was a werewolf, anyway. At least she wasn't shying away from him.

"Tonks it is. Pleasure to meet you. Sorry for bumping in you earlier."

"It's alright, I would have managed to bump in empty air, anyway, you see I am very clumsy. I was just going to knock on the door but you knocked me first, perfectly alright, it is." she smiled good naturedly.

"Do you mind if i come in? Its rather cold outside" she said hesitantly.

"Oh! Of course, I was just waiting for Alastor, you see, I thought he might be wondering where you are off too"

Of course he wasn't waiting for Moody, he had forgot to invite her in, and in order to not to appear a complete rude person he came up with the excuse so as to appear that it was his intention all along.

"Fear I might be a Death Eater or Ministry spy, huh? Waiting for Moody therefore? "

He hesitated. He didn't thought his excuse would be back fired "uh... No... no that's not what i meant... " he hastily tried to cover up.

But she laughed for first time and her face glowed along with it "Just kidding, I was"

Just on cue, a crack reverberated and Moody appeared.

He was practically growling and his eyes were in danger of popping out,which was at least possible with him and he was glaring daggers at Tonks . He waited for the explosion.

And indeed it came.

"That was _ENTIRELY IRRESPONSIBLE_ on your part, _DISOBEYING_ orders of your _SENIORS_ and disregarding their commands, you could have stepped in a _PERFECT DEATH EATERS TRAP_ for all you know, horribly underestimating the importance of being _CONSTANTLY VIGILANT_..."

Moody's voice, or anything as close to as voice that could come out of Moody's throat, was almost enough to awake Mrs. Black but, Tonks remain unfazed, apparently it was daily occurrence.

"Now now Mad-eye, it wasn't me who was locked in _their own security protective trunk_ for a better part of year because of acting _fickle vigilance_..."

Moody spluttered, and he had never seen Moody spluttering. He gaped at Tonks, he already admired her.

Apparently Moody had recovered from her retort he straightened and said "Fair point, _Nymphadora_" and walked away stomping his leg, looking smug.

Aha! So her name was Nymphadora... Nymphadora Tonks.. Nymphadora was _quite mouthful_ but no doubt beautiful name, that's why she was probably first dodging his question as to what was her name. Moody was gone and now he was standing with an angry Tonks.

He turned to look at her and raised his eyebrows "So, Nymphadora?"

She flashed her eyes at him and then said sheepishly "Please its Tonks, I go by Tonks. So unless you want to grow your nose hair up to your chin or you are willing to spike pink hairs please call me Tonks" she then smile, so as to not offend him.

He wasn't offended, he was once a marauder and he had respect for all inventive hex, and of all weird named people, he understood the reluctance to once name. Because, a werewolf named Remus Lupin, what was more ironic? Though she indeed had some pixie like quality about her and her parents have named her aptly.

"Sure" he smiled at her "Shall we now move inside? Others members will be arriving soon" and ushered her in.

She has just walked a step towards him that she tripped on her own shoe laces. She was falling, but he couldn't let her fall now, could he? He deftly caught her in her arms and her head collided with his chest.

Merlin, she was determined to knock air from his lungs. First from her those beautiful big chocolate brown eyes and now that solid head of her's.

"Uh,Sorry? Though I warned you I am dead clumsy"she said feebly.

If her being clumsy meant her being in his arms, he loved her clumsiness. Remus wasn't one of those people who get smitten to younger pretty witches at first sight. He had seen fair share of beautiful and pretty witches in his life and so far none of them caught his attention like this particular witch. It wasn't her appearance but there was something _very sincere and soulful_ about those eyes and that smile.

He realized his hands were still on her waist and they suddenly felt warm and removed it hastily.

"It's ok, we all have some quirks, though you might just consider to re tie your laces" he smiled at her and guided her in.

He remained behind her so he could check her out. As soon as he thought those words his eyes widened in horror. _Check her out?_ Merlin he was losing his mind. He was _36 year old_ and _36 year old men do not check out women_. They might _appraise_ them, _appreciate_ them, _acknowledge_ them but checking out sounded too... Lecherous, too obscene, which he was not. Checking out was what _road side romeos did_. No matter what his current employment status was, he was once a professor, a dignified one.

With this thought he moved from her behind to her beside like a co-worker, co-warrior and hopefully soon to be friend.

He smiled at her.

She smiled back at him.

Oh this was going to be an _interesting_ year.

_A:N/ Did you like it? Do tell. I find Remus's wandless and non verbal magic very impressive indeed and I like the idea of him trying to impress her through it._


	3. Nymphadora and Chocolate

_Thank you for the reviews. I am really new to fanfiction writing therefore after seeing your reviews i was practically bouncing on my feet :) _

_I do not own Harry Potter._

He shut the door behind him as quietly as he could so as so to not wake up and in turn wake the whole house, as Weasleys have became recent residents of Grimmauld Place. It was 12 at night he had just returned from his mission of trying to contact to some werewolves. Though he have had enough of werewolves for one day, he would rather not think about them anymore,_ thank you very much_.

He padded quietly in front of portrait and the umbrella stand, which has taken special liking to Tonks.

Tonks...

He smiled at her thought. She thought she always found a way to trip on it, no matter where it was kept. Little did she knew that _Sirius_ has actually hexed the stand to trip her whenever she crossed it _as a prank_. He probably would have told her about it, but thought better of it. It was giving him a chance to help her, to pick her up, to hold her, whenever she fell, wasn't it? Not that she needed any help. She was very independent, though she never quiet minded whenever he tried to help her up. She would always accept his hand, rejects anybody elese's in the same situation. It made him feel as if he had some special privilege, which he had probably. Therefore, he only tried to help her up as a friend not taking his helping act _too far away_ so as to make her feel that she was invalid.

It had been more than three weeks since he had first met her, and he couldn't have been more right about her. She was indeed a very good person. Helpful, determined, cheery, seem to brighten up the room with her smile, had ability to befriend anybody of any age group, was always fun to talk to and a very talented witch. She already knew about him being a werewolf, but never treated him differently for it.

They were fast becoming good friends. She always sat next to him during order meetings, or may be he sat next to her, it didn't matter really, as far as they sat next to each other. She always made a point to stay after meeting for tea, or butterbear or whatever _drinking adventure_ striked Sirius's fancy, to catch up with her _long-lost-and-recently-found-second-cousin_. He was relieved when he got to know that they were related, and that's why she was excited to meet him not because she was some _fangirl_ of Sirius's. It was fun at times to watch Tonks teasing Sirius by calling him _Uncle_ _Sirius_ or when she recently learned about marauders, it changed to _Uncle Padfoot_. It was nice really, for a change, _somebody else_ getting on Sirius's nerves.

Remus was a bit disappointed when he learned that she was a metamorphmagus because he wanted those eyes to be real, what if those eyes weren't real just like her hairs? But then she didn't looked like one to fake, and as for hair she probably did for fun and it rather suited her. Ever since he had met he had seen her with different hairstyles but she hardly changed her eyes. And then, one couldn't morph warmth and tenderness in to their eyes, could they? And she did look _adorable_ in _pink hair_...

He opened kitchen's door and winced as it creaked and there sat, object of his recent affections Nymphadora Tonks, her nose buried in something he couldn't yet see. His heart did a tango at her sight.

She looked up as he heard the door opened. Her eyes lit up as it rested on him.

"Wotcher Remus!" She was wearing baby pink hairs a little above her shoulders and a light yellow t-shirt and her blue jeans. She wasn't in her customary _Weird Sisters_ t-shirt today. Had she not been looking so adorable with yellow and pink combination, he would have _turned blind with such bright colors_ in between dull and morose grey walls of kitchen.

"Hello Nymp... Tonks!" he corrected hastily. "What are you doing? I thought everyone might have gone to sleep by now" though she had her own place, she sometimes stayed here when she returned from night guard duty. He couldn't complain though. He once had an opportunity to see her in her sleeping attire because of it.

One night, when she couldn't sleep, she had came down to kitchens at 3 in the morning in the hope of mid night snack. What she had not anticipated that the empty kitchen was _not so empty_. He had just returned from a mission and She was in her hufflepuff pajamas with yellow camisole top with a drawing of a bee in black in center and knee length yellow shorts with_ pink fluffy slippers_. He was stunned and she was embarrassed to say the least. But he couldn't stop staring for she was looking so sweet and beautiful with her sleep tousled hairs that he wanted to exclaim _'awww you look so cute!'_ He had to bit his tongue in order to keep his mouth shut so as to keep his manly pride intact. A pink blush had creeped her cheeks and she looked ever so lovely. She had then excused herself and had all but ran from the kitchen.

He cleared his head from the memory and pulled out the chair next to her and sat on it, facing her. She turned to him.

"Yes actually, it was my guard duty,you see, have returned from it say 15 minutes earlier and was really hungry, so bought this from near muggle store" she said smiling at him. Now that he looked, it was a carton of ice cream that she had her nose buried in earlier, chocolate flavor with chocolate chips.

"Where were you today, by the way I came looking for y- I mean to help the Weasleys to make this place more habitable, nobody knew where you were" she seemed curious as well as bit disappointed and what was that she was saying earlier _I came looking for y-_ could it possibly mean that she came especially for him? He felt very pleased at that, she sometimes did wonders for his ego, witch like _her_ wanting to spend time with an old werewolf like _him_. And he was also sorry that she had to be disappointed because he weren't there.

"I was running some errand for Dumbledore" He said evasively and She nodded in understanding sensing that he would rather not talk about it "By all means Tonks, are you going to eat that amount of ice cream all alone?" he asked incredulously looking at the large amount of ice cream.

"No actually, I was rather waiting for _someone_ to share it with me" she smiled at him in a way that caused emotions in him he didn't know he still had, erupt to suddenly looked a lot closer to him. When had he leaned forward?

Or had she?

And did she just said she was waiting for him? His heart skipped few beats at that, that she was waiting for him, to have ice cream which happens to be his favorite (_was it a co incidence?_ ) at such on ungodly hour. He was definitely enjoying this closeness, and hoped very dearly and rather selfishly that _only he_ was one to enjoy it.

"Please have it with me?" she whispered with those big brown eyes of hers, today he noticed she had applied a _dark brown colored eyeliner_. And she was asking him to share ice cream with her those _wide innocent puppy eyes_, how could he say no?

_ If you ask of me to have rat poison down my throat with those pleading eyes and expression, I would gladly oblige_ _he thought fondly! _

Damn! He had it bad...

"Of course" he smiled at her in return. These days when he was near her, his facial muscle seemed to ache all the time with all the grinning and smiling. And he had to make a special effort to appear that he was _brooding and moping_ in front of Sirius, so as to not arose suspicion. God,only knew until when he could hide his _over flowing fondness_ for Tonks from _Sirius-the-nosy-dog_. He conjured a spoon and dug in to the pit of ice cream. _Nymphadora and chocolate ice cream_, what a way to end the day?

They ate in companionable silence for few minutes. There was something _oddly intimate_ with eating in the same plate,well in this case a carton. Since carton's mouth was rather smaller he had to eat in close proximity with her.

He was a person to blend in, in the crowd. What with him being a werewolf, all attention paid to him was mostly negative therefore he tried as much as he could to remain away from prying eyes. He wasn't used to to such attention. People don't like to share anything with a werewolf, least of all pretty young witch like_ her._ Though he was comfortable with the order, they all treated him like equals and a friend, it did take time to adjust with them. Never a person, especially a woman has warmed his heart so fast and seeing that he knew her only for few weeks her proximity didn't made him uncomfortable. He felt oddly at peace with her. This was one new experience for him. The occasional head bumping and whenever they dived in the carton with their spoon at the same time, the cold air coming from ice cream and _her warm breath_ near him mixed with chocolate's and her scent was making him dizzy and giddy. _And Remus Lupin was never giddy_. School boys and teenagers might get giddy but not 36 year old men.

"Um, seems like it's finished" she announced happily.

"Not yet" he whispered.

She furrowed her brows at looked at the carton, checking if some ice cream had remained. It was clean. She looked up at him with confusion in her eyes "Where?"

He was watching her all the time with a serene expression on his face. She really was adorable, a perfect _aww_ sight.

"Here" he said quietly and _without even thinking_ what he was doing, _without even using his brain_ as to what it will mean, he took his thumb and placed it at the corner of her mouth and very slowly, taking as much as time he could touching her warm skin and cold lips, flicked off a smudge of ice cream on his thumb, all the while looking at her and she looking at him and then lowered his thumb to his mouth and licked off the said ice cream.

"Finished" he whispered. Her breath had seemed to quicken and so had his. they stared at each other and it seemed eternity. They were staring into depth of each others eyes...

Suddenly a clattering sound filled the kitchen. Nymphadora had dropped her spoon and they snapped out from the trance. A pink blush was coloring her cheeks and he was sure same was the case with him.

_ What in the name of Merlin was he doing?_ Couldn't he keep his hands off her? God knew what it meant for their friendship! What if he had acted_ too intimately_ and had scared her off and have destroyed their companionship? Granted, _he_ wanted more but that doesn't mean that _she_ wanted same thing from him. Just because she was friendly towards him doesn't mean that she was harboring _more-than-friends-feelings for him. _He was a werewolf for starters and more than decade older than her. _What will she see in him?_ He opened his mouth to apologies because he wouldn't trade her friendship for _anything in the world_. And it was not the way respectable friends behaved, _licking ice cream off each other faces. _

But before he could force the words from his mouth she had got up.

_Oh my... No no please don't be angry..._

"Well Remus" she said as smiling as ever, she didn't looked angry "see you then soon, I am off to bed, I am required at Ministry tomorrow early morning. Goodnight" and with that she bend and placed a lingering kiss on his cheek. lingering a few seconds more than _just a friend would_ stay. Warmth of her kiss mingled with coolness of her lips and his skin tingled.

He was too gobsmacked with relief that she wasn't angry and astonished that she has just kissed him goodnight, okay fine kissed on cheek, but kissed nevertheless, that he gaped at her for few good seconds.

He cleared his throat and said "Good-good night" he stuttered somehow but she was gone already.

He stared at the door for one good full minute and then he smiled. _He hadn't spoiled anything after all_. Seems like may be... _Just may be..._ May be she wants more from him too... _Ah wishful thinking.!_

He placed his hand where her lips have touched him, wanting to imprint that sensation on his skin _forever_. He got up and flicked the lights off and went to bed.

_Giddy indeed!_

_A/N: liked it? please do review :)_


	4. Transitions

_Thanks for the reviews everyone :) _

_Right now even I don't know where this story is going. I have ideas but it is supposed to be snippets from life of Remus and Tonks so it won't be a very elaborate fic. Lets see where this leads. Enjoy :)_

_I do not own Harry Potter_

"I know that look"

"What look Sirius?" Remus replied without even lifting his gaze from the newspaper. Though _Prophet_ could hardly be called _news_paper now a days, more like _rambling_ paper.

"You, lusting after a woman and trying your best to not show on your face by trying to act all _too_ cool"

Remus promptly choked on his tea.

"I don't know what you are talking about. What woman" he said as calmly as he could.

"That woman who walked out of kitchen 10 minutes ago."

"Sirius! Granted that Molly is just a few year older than me but she's still a sort of _mother figure_ for the order not to mention already married and mother of seven children" he said, knowing very well that he wasn't talking about Molly. God, he had wished and hoped that Sirius would be late to catch up on this.

"I am NOT talking about Molly. I am talking about _our cousin Nymphadora_"

"She's not _my_ cousin Padfoot"

"Aha! Got a nerve there, did I? Alright then _my cousin Nymphadora_" he said triumphantly.

"_Don't_ call her Nymphadora"

"Stop doing that"

"Stop doing what?"

"Stop trying to change the topic"

"Wasn't aware there was one. I was under the impression that you were undergoing your usual _morning babbling chatter_"

"Yes there is a topic Moony. Don't you try to dodge it. I have seen your _lingering gazes_ on her when you seem to think no one is watching, but you forgot that_ I_ was the one who taught _you_ to be so sneaky in matter of girls, old man"

Damn! He had thought he wasn't that obvious.

"If _I_ am an old man Sirius, so are _you_, we are of same age, you know."

"We might be of same age but you often act _older_ than our dear Bumblebee, whereas I? I am still _sweet sixteen_ at heart" he said _sweet sixteen_ in sing song voice.

"It's called _maturity_ Padfoot, which you seem to be lacking"

"Damn you are stubborn, you are always doing that, trying to distract me from my track of conversation whereas when I try to distract you, you are adamant on it. I wish you would stop doing it"

"I wish you would wash your hair"

"..."

"What stop glaring at me? We don't need a _second_ grease master in order now do we? And at the rate at which you are going you are not behind from Snape."

"You did it again! You again changed the whole track of conversation. You can't be always evasive you know, you will come back to me, crawling on your hide and begging for advice"

"God forbid, I hope that day never comes!"

"Be secretive for all you want, but for once trust me. Approach her there are more than 100 percent chance that she returns your feeling. You seem to have _grown upon her_"

His heart quickened at that. He hoped it didn't showed on his face. Had Nymphadora said something to Sirius about him?

"I am not a fungus Sirius" at that he got up, levitated his cup to the sink and ruffled Sirius's hair on his way to kitchen's door "Good day _uncle_ Padfoot, hope to see you in the evening."

It didn't escaped to Sirius's notice that not once in the entire conversation, or as close to as one could have conversation with Moony when he decides to ignore the agenda, had he once denied that he didn't had feelings for Tonks.

The order meeting was about to start, almost all members have arrived, everyone were seating themselves, and Remus was waiting for Tonks. _Where was she?_ Generally she was one of those who came earlier than required for meeting. Order was just not an organisation against dark force, it was also a group of friends. Members often come before to idle chit chat with others or have Molly's pre-meeting snacks. So it was never a surprise when Tonks came well before required time. She was hardly _just on time_ or late. As it happens, every meeting before any one else arrive Remus and Tonks could be found already seated beside each other. There was yet a meeting to pass in which they haven't sat next to each other.

It was a small thing really, seeing that here they were gathered for much bigger cause, to uproot evil from society, such trivial thing as seating arrangement were unimportant. But still everyone among the members seems to know that the seat beside Remus was reserved. He felt like a small child in school, who reserves the seat next to them for their special friend by placing a handkerchief or their water bottle, so as to give other the signal that the seat was occupied. Of course he didn't placed a water bottle or his handkerchief or his shoe or something to reserve the seat for her, that's why he was a little _more_ than annoyed when Dedalus Diggle came and sat next to him. He resisted the urge to poke him in ribs or kick him in the shin. Seems like Dedalus was busy balancing his hat in meetings so as to notice things such as who sat next to who.

_And why was he getting irritated in first place? It was an order meeting, it was to consider several important matters, not to concentrate on the company next to him._

The answer came naturally to him. It mattered to him because in a way their friendship started from here. There were whispered comments exchanged between them during the meeting, the way their hands lingers on the other for a second more than necessary whenever passing something, he used to like the way she worried her bottom lip between her teeth and furrowed her brow whenever she tried _too_ much to concentrate on the proceedings of the meeting when something or rather _someone_ was distracting her, then there was constant presence of her smell, _lime_, which he found calm and reassuring, the way she claps hand over her mouth to stop herself from giggling whenever he said something funny in her ear during the meeting, whenever _she_ said something in _his_ ear he liked the way her breath felt on her skin, the say she gave a reassuring squeeze on his knee under the table whenever there was some bad news or a jibe from Snape, the way she often absentmindedly drank from his cup instead of hers or may be _not so absentmindedly_ and he made a point to drink from the same side she drank so that he could at least feel the warmth of her lips, the sideways glance at each other, the way she some how had master making his tea without spilling or breaking anything whereas while preparing her _own_ tea she was bound to break something and _oh so many numerous reasons_ that yes it did matter that she sat beside him.

If people were to know that the _logical and practical voice of the order_, Remus Lupin, was getting worked up at the seating arrangement, they would laugh at him for behaving like a child. But that was the point wasn't it, that such thing weren't told or expressed to others. And weren't everybody, some where deep down, are child at heart?

She came stumbling down just as Dumbledore was going to start speaking. She apologized for being late to everyone in haste and the first thing he noticed about her was the _disappointment_ that crossed her eyes as soon as she realized that seat next to him was taken by Dedalus. She resisted the urge to scowl at ever oblivious Dedalus and found a seat next to Mad-eye.

The next thing he noticed was that she looked a little disheveled and was out of breath. He looked at her worryingly and tried to ask from his eyes-

_Are you all right?_

She caught his eyes and smile reassuringly at him saying _I am fine_.

He forced his attention to Dumbledore wishing the meeting would be over soon.

"There you are!" said Remus as he found Tonks sitting in Library all alone. After the meeting he was caught up in conversation with Arthur and Kingsley and after that when he went looking for her, he thought that she had gone home, but her cloak was still hanging near the front door. Now he found her here.

She looked up at him and flashed him a dazzling smile that were enough to make his heart skip a beat but he couldn't help but notice it was a bit tired.

"Here hold this" he said handing her a tray and sitting next to her on the sofa. It was nice, having her all to himself finally for time being.

"What's this?" she said pointing at the tray containing assortment of stuff.

"This, Tonks, I don't know what is, but apparently Fred and George bought it from a near by bakery"

She raised her eyebrows at him at the mention of twins.

"Yes I know what you are thinking but don't worry, it's not some prank. Its rather tasty I think"

"You think?"

"Well yes, I haven't tasted it yet, everyone was rather praising it and seeing as only two were left I sneaked it out of their reach and bought it up here, one for you and one for me" he said a bit sheepish. It was some continental snack, triangular shaped, he had thought she had looked a bit tired earlier and had brought along tea as well.

She chuckled "_Professor Lupin sneaking food_? Hmm that's new" she said sending him a cheeky look and smile but looked grateful.

"I couldn't help but notice earlier that you looked tired, why were you late? And why are you sitting here all alone? Everything alright?" he asked softly with concern laced in his voice.

She sighed "Just a bit tired. Nothing to worry about. I was late because I got caught up in some work at Ministry and well, I came here because I have got a _splitting headache_ right now, and it was bit noisy downstairs, I would have apparated home but apparating will only make headache worse so thought to get a bit peace her before apparating" she finished smiling at him.

"I am sorry, I didn't know I was interrupting your rest, I will leave you it" he said guiltily and made to get up but she caught his hand and yanked him down.

"Don't be silly Remus. I said it was _noisy_ downstairs and you are anything but noisy" she said looking at him and then looked away saying in a quiet voice "Your presence is soothing, _Stay_" she closed her eyes and let her head fall backwards to the sofa, facing him.

He felt a smile grace his lips at her confession, he slowly raised his hand and tucked a strand of pink hair behind her ears affectionately. She smiled at it.

"Thanks for bringing tea, it will probably do some good to my head right now" she opened her eyes and took a sip of her tea as well as a bite of the snack he had brought. "Hmm this tastes nice"

He didn't said anything, for once he was just happy to let her talk or even sit in silence with her without other nagging or nosy presence. She looked beautiful in dimly lit room where only light came from fire. Orange and yellow flames danced on her face making her tired face glow.

He turned towards her placed his elbow on the back of the sofa and resting his head in his hand he said "You are tiring yourself too much, Tonks. Keep taking a break every now and then, if you want I will cover your next guard duty"

"No, don't worry about it. I got a headache because today we were practicing some new blinding spell, which produces some extra bright light which momentarily blinds the opponent and give us a distraction. We all practiced for about two hours and probably everyone returned with a headache."

He nodded sympathetically at her and squeezed her hand "Stay here tonight" he whispered, looking at her intensely.

"Hmm?" she looked at him with innocent eyes, a bit surprised with his statement.

He cleared his throat and said quietly and said "I mean, stay here tonight, don't go back to your flat, you are right, apparating will only make your headache worse."

She smiled at his concern and said "Don't worry, your tea helped, but I can't stay here tonight"

Why was she so adamant on not staying here tonight? It wasn't as if she didn't spend nights here, she even had her own room. Seeing question on his face she placed her hand on his hand, which he noticed was still resting on her other hand, and smiled at him "I can't stay because well then it will be two nights consecutively here and I never told you but I have got a bunny at my flat to feed" she said sheepishly

He chuckled "A bunny? I didn't knew you had a pet"

She smiled "Surprising isn't it? Auror Tonks got a pet rabbit to feed?

"No, I rather think it's sweet" and indeed it was sweet, she didn't cared about her headache but rather that her pet was probably hungry at home. It showed another angle of her caring attitude, It was definitely another _aww factor about her._

__"Well, it often gets lonely all alone at home and seeing my current bunny's grandparents were my first pet, its some sort of tradition" she looked a bit sad, mentioning being lonely and he couldn't help but notice that even an amazing witch like her who was surrounded by their friends and family was indeed lonely just like him. He squeezed his hand buried between her smaller ones but said nothing. He felt very peaceful and silence was comfortable.

They sat there for sometime without miraculously being interrupted by anyone. It felt like eternity. It scared him that how much he liked her company.

All too soon she, got up to depart, he offered to see her till door. They walked down, managing to avoid prying eyes, he guided her away when she reached umbrella stand by placing his hand on small of her back but didn't removed it until they reached the front door. She took her cloak and donned it and he impulsively buttoned it for, his fingers lingering than normal. She smiled at that. It wasn't like she couldn't do it herself but he just wanted to do _something _for her even something as insignificant as clipping her cloak.

"Good night Remus. See you tomorrow"

"Good night Tonks" he bend down and for_ first time_ kissed her cheek inhaling her scent and feeling her intake a sharp breath, and as soon as he did it he knew it was a mistake, not because he regretted it but because feeling her supple and warm skin under his lips invited him for _more._ She held his gaze for few seconds and then walked out of door, turning back once, flashing that charming smile of hers and waved one last time and disapparated.

He kept looking at where she had vanished in to thin air. He couldn't help but feel that something has changed today between them. He knew _he was changing_ and he was _terrified_.

_A/N: Did you like it? Any suggestions or ideas? Please do review it encourages me :)_


	5. Insecurities

_Hello everyone :) once again all my thanks to people who took time to review. _

_**Saraell** - My theory about trio knowing about R/T is that since it was Harry that suggested in HBP that may be Tonks was in love with Sirius, he wasn't aware about Remus and well Ron was clueless as ever and there is a chance that Hermione may have had some clue about it, may be through Ginny._

_**Remusdora**- thank you for reviewing with such great detail._

_I don't own Harry Potter._

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Remus sighed as he stretched out. He had been reading particularly interesting book on half breed hunting, found in Grimmauld Place library, and he had found the book all in all amusing. Gone were those days where he felt furious at such ridiculous ignorance, he couldn't stop people from writing such absurdity, they were blissfully ignorant, there was no need to get worked up on it. It was better to take it in good humor even though it was difficult to find in such dark books.

His muscles ached, full moon was two days ago and he felt old. Granted that 36 years wasn't old as per wizarding standards, it wasn't even old as per muggle standards but he wasn't aged by years, he was aged by lycanthropy. For millionth time he wondered if he will die well before, other people of his age because of it, being a werewolf for more than 30 years, was taking toll on his health. But then again, there was a war going on and he was fighting against dark force, there was no guarantee for anybody's life.

He thought of having some hot chocolate before turning in, along with muscle pain relief potion, Tonks had brought for him. The day next to full moon when he had came downstairs to kitchen, looking something to eat, she had been there and had handed him his hot chocolate and told him that she was coming to meet him anyway. They had then sat and talked and after drinking the hot chocolate, he had felt the prominent pain in his muscles fade to a dull ache. When he was surprised she had told him that she had mixed some potion of hers in it and had handed him a whole bottle of it. When he objected that he can not accept it from her, she waved off his concern and had told him that she hadn't bought it from market but had rather made it at home and had said _"I was quite a potions master in my time, we were required good grades in potion for Auror studies, so I was quite good at it, once I got past to breaking cauldrons, that is and all the ingredients were available at my home so I didn't spend a penny on it. Use it whenever you want, I will make for you another for next month."_and then she quickly had changed the subject to her Hogwarts days about how she used to enjoy exploding cauldrons in Snape's classes.

He was overwhelmed by her passion and care towards his lycanthropy. He knew she hardly got time amidst order duties and auror missions yet she found time to brew it for him. Never once she let it seem that she was doing it out of pity or as a charity case or that _he was in dire need of it_ rather it appeared a very caring and friendly act of one friend to another who cared very deeply about each other. He was also glad for the way in which she handled his lycanthropy. Even most friends of his who accepted him for it, either they completely ignored the fact that he indeed was a werewolf and acted as if every full moon he was away on _fishing adventure_ or they were very awkward about dealing with it. Yes, he was a private man who didn't liked people prying too much but he would rather like that they ask him downright their query instead of assuming worst of him in their ignorance, after all, he, just like every other normal human being _like to be liked_.

Whereas with Tonks she never acted that there were no issues with him, she did acknowledged his lycanthropy and also knew how to communicate to him about it. She does care for him but she never took her concerning act to the point where it brought too much attention to his being werewolf. Like whenever she was meeting him last time before a transformation maximum she said was a very sweet _'take care'_ and a loving hug to accompany with it and whenever she met him next, after transformation, she made a point to ask _'How are you feeling?'_ with a smile and then shares a chocolate with him which according to her she had '_coincidentally'_ pocketed that day or Molly's left over pudding or this time she made a potion for him, without actually attracting attention to the fact that his muscles were aching or he was sore. He was proud man and she knew. All in all he was very glad that she was in his life.

He moved quietly towards kitchen, these days Grimmauld was full with children, Weasleys and a happy Sirius, now that Harry was here. He opened the door and felt a strong sense of Déjà vu when he saw Tonks sitting there, or rather sleeping there. _She must have returned from guard duty and had fallen asleep._

He smiled at her and walked very slowly so as to not to startle her. He knelt down beside her and winced when his knee creaked, not at the pain but at the noise. She was sitting on the chair with her head resting on the table, facing towards the door, pillowed by her one hand, while her other hand was resting limply on her thigh. Her hair were of shoulder length, lavender color today, shaping her beautiful heart shaped face. She wore a deep pink color top which was probably deep neck, as it's shoulder was dropping to one side dangerously. Beneath her top peeked a pale shoulder and he caught a glimpse of deep purple colored bra strap and he blushed. It was stupid really seeing as there was nobody watching him. He smiled to himself, only Nymphadora would be covered in head to toe with such bright colors. He was content with watching her, sore knees and aching muscles, apparently forgotten as he kept kneeling beside her, taking her every tiny detail which probably in other's eyes will be bordering on obsession. Which, it probably was. She wore black nail paint which was chipped from one nail or two. She also wore a silver bee ring. Ever since he had known her he had seen her with various _bee-accessories_. He knew she had a t-shirt with a drawing of a bee, then he had once seen her wearing a bracelet with a yellow and black bee and now this ring. He noted in his mind to ask her about her fondness of bees. He watched her long lashes covering those beautiful big brown eyes. Her soft cheeks and her beautiful pink lips, Her slender pale neck and he, _not for first time_, thought how will it feel to have his lips on there... He shook his head, he couldn't think like that now. His gaze shifted from her face to her shoulder again he felt like a magnet was attracting him towards it. He felt a strong desire to kiss there, wasn't any harm in it, was there?

_No, what will she think? It's inappropriate kissing without's one's consent specially at a place like one's shoulder... or neck... or hollow of throat or... Stop!_

But... what she doesn't know won't hurt her..

_No... no matter how tempting was the prospect, he won't do it... not like this... not when she can't have a say in it..._

But..

_NO!_

He gingerly raised his hand and covered her shoulder affectionately... if she was in his destiny.. that day will come, no need to sneak upon her like that.

He thought of carrying her to her room so that she can sleep in her bed or else in this awkward angle she will get a crick in her neck, but thought better of it. He was still a bit weak from full moon and he didn't want to risk dropping her and moreover he didn't knew if she was a light sleeper. She might wake up in mid way,might get startled and hex him first ask question later.

So he performed a comfort charm and cushioning charm on the table and chair so that she can get as comfortable as one can get whilst sleeping on a chair. He also performed a warming charm around her and hoped that she would wake up after some time and sleep rest in her bed.

He was still kneeling in front of her when the door creaked and someone entered startling him, and in his panic to get up, he tripped on his own feet and landed on his bottom. _Tonks's clumsiness is catching up, _he thought. In his dread he slowly looked up to see who was out for midnight stroll.

"Hello Harry" he said as calmly as he could, there still sitting on floor as if it was his intention all along to be on floor, as if he could be found daily at this time on the kitchen floor doing meditation!

Harry looking disheveled with an empty water jug in hand peered curiously at his former professor, wondering what the hell was he doing on floor so close to sleeping Tonks. He furrowed his brows and said uncertainly "Err.. Hello?"

"Um.. I was just.. Uh.. looking for a quill.. it had, you see, um fallen, I was just searching under the table. What are you doing at this time?"

"Well I came to get some water" looking at Remus as if questioning his sanity.

"Oh well, you see you could use this _useful little spell 'aquamenti' _"

He raised his eyebrows at his former professor.

"Well I just got into trouble for performing magic out of school didn't I? Didn't want to risk it again even for _useful little spell_" he said as if explaining to a child that when it gets dark outside, it is known as night.

"Sure Harry, go ahead, have water" He said and waited with baited breath for him to go without getting any suspicious. He returned with jug full of water and raised it in acknowledgement but paused before moving further. Remus's breath caught in anticipation.

"Professor, I was wondering-"

"Y-Yes, Harry what were you wondering?" he stuttered and thought, cursing himself inwardly that if his sitting on floor had not given him away, his stuttering and flustered look probably will.

"Have, by mistake, you had any of Fred & George's new sweets? Or any sweet for that matter?" He said wondering about the new sweet twins had told him about, which caused momentary brain disorientation.

"No of course not.. I know better than that" Remus smiled reassuringly at him to quell his curiosity and wondering that since when Harry had became so nosy, he took another step towards door but paused again.

"Did you got your quill?"

"Huh? Oh..quill.. Yes, I mean no, it must be here somewhere" he said, still sitting on floor, his brain too occupied to even consider getting up.

"You can borrow from me one, if you need it, you know, I have many"

"That's very kind of you Harry, I will, if need be."

"Even those sugar ones. Sugar quills, I have that too"

"Sure, Harry" he nodded.

Harry took another two step towards kitchen door and paused again. Remus repressed a groan of frustration.

"Shall I wake up Tonks? She will probably get uncomfortable here"

"No!" he said a little too quickly, not wanting him to know that he had already taken care of her _comfort_ "I mean let her sleep, she will probably get up on her own later"

He nodded and move towards the door. He was almost out of kitchen when he again paused and turned to look at him and Remus suppressed the desire to pull his own hairs.

"Oh and professor?"

"Yes Harry?"

"I would consider sitting on a chair now, if I were you" he smirked at him and finally went upstairs without looking back. Remus released the breath he had been holding. _God knows what Harry will be thinking._ He kept still until he heard a distant sound of door closing.

He looked up at Tonks, somehow miraculously, during all the commotion she hadn't woke up. _She must really be tired._ He could spend whole night like this watching her but didn't wanted to risk another encounter like Harry. He brushed his hands and once again kneeled in front of her, taking one last look at sleeping peaceful form. She looked so cute, he felt like '_aww'ing_ to the empty room where no one was to hear him but bit his tongue. He prayed to which ever god he knew that she comes out of this war unharmed with her innocence and vibrancy intact. _Let the war spare her._ He leaned forward and pressed a very delicate and light kiss on her forehead, she stirred a bit and smiled in sleep but didn't woke up.

He sighed.

_I think I am falling for you. I think I am going down a road, I know there will be no returning from, _he thought ruefully.

He rose, dimmed the light and walked quietly out of kitchen.

* * *

They were all sitting in drawing room. Sirius and Harry were playing chess, Ginny and Hermione were drinking some tropical juice that Molly had specially made for them as their reward for their '_special contribution in cleaning'_ and chatting quietly about something, he caught whispers of conversations such as _'thick headed' 'ever oblivious' 'is impossible'_ and had a fair idea about whom they were talking about, Fred and George were sitting together looking like twins attached from head over some parchment and He was reading or rather trying to read or pretending to read as his mind was wavering to some _other_ direction. All in all he felt at peace, sitting together, chatting occasionally, like a family. It had been so long that he had spend such time with his loved ones, he couldn't take it for granted. Had it not been for Voldemort's return it would have been one of the happiest time of his life, being surrounded by those who accepted him fully.

"Sirius, you have a BARMY mad house elf here" Ron entered the room looking all frantic and frightened with sickly green tinge to his skin.

Hermione wrinkled her nose in distaste at Ron and Sirius looked up at him from his game, raised his eyebrow and asked "What did he do now?"

"I listened to him grumbling to himself about _'Kreacher schemes to pee in the stew the blood traitor woman is making'_"

Ginny promptly spluttered the orange juice in her mouth, Harry made a choking sound, Hermione gaped with disgust and even Fred and George looked up.

"Ah!" said Sirius with disinterest and seemed unfazed.

"What do you mean by 'ah' Sirius?" Harry questioned his godfather.

"Well seems like I will have to give him more... _Specific order_ "

"More specific order?" Fred asked or may be George "What do you mean by more specific order"

"Blimey!" exclaimed another twin "even mum's cooking is not safe anymore, That's why I wondered why yesterday's soup tasted _over-salty_."

Hermione made a gag sound at that and Ginny exclaimed an indignant 'ewww'.

Remus intervened before their thinking got any further "Fred and George, don't run your imagination wild, kreacher had only made unsuccessful attempts at that, he never actually was able to do such thing. And what Sirius meant by _'more specific order'_ was that last week he caught Kreacher...ah... doing something similar it's just that he ordered him not be '_spit_' in any food or drinking items, don't worry now, food here is completely safe and err... Hygienic."

After his reassuring apparently everyone seemed satisfied and got back to their respective tasks and he wondered how the hell his thoughts had wandered from Tonks to kreacher's peeing and spitting habits! He wished she was here right now, but Molly had dragged her to kitchen to do god knows what?!

"Hey Remus" a voice whispered in his ear that he so much wanted to hear and he nearly jumped out of his skin. He turned back, and there she was, behind his sofa, bent near his ear with her heart shaped face with big chocolate brown wide eyes peering at him through her pink fringe and his breath got caught in his chest at her enchanting beauty. His heart skipped a beat and then started fluttering at a mad speed, he nearly fainted with dizziness and her closeness. He was sure he was looking at her what must have been a dreaming expression. Seconds ticked and he remembered that he should probably reply to her instead of staring at her.

"Hello"

"Care for a walk?" she said smiling in that captivating way of hers.

"Walk?" he said and looked around but no one seemed to be paying attention to them, no one even acknowledged that Tonks had entered the room. _When had she learned to be so sneaky?_ "Sure" he said and got up looking warily around but all were busy among themselves, except Sirius who smirked at him with raised eyebrows, he ignored him.

They walked through the front door and a beautiful summer night breeze greeted them.

"So, walk? Any specific destination or reason?" he asked at her looking at her over his shoulder while crossing the road and walking along the street, she joined him, hopping down the road and bumped into him.

"Well destination is my flat and reason is well... Say to provide _you_ the pleasure of _my_ company" She said cheekily while glancing sideways at him with raised eyebrows. She looked positively delicious.

"Oh!" he replied with his own raised eyebrows and felt an odd swirling sensation in his stomach that she was directly or indirectly showing him her flat, which he was, earlier too polite to ask where did she lived."Can't say I am complaining though. I didn't knew I was seeing you home today" he asked a bit nervously as he wanted to know why she suddenly decided that showing him where she lived was a good idea.

"Well..." she blushed and he felt a range of fireworks glowing in his chest at the adorable look on her face, he was sure no one was as smitten to anyone as he was to her "I just thought that you are often staying here with Sirius, who is often not a very pleasant company, not that I am blaming him, with all that's going it is specially hard for him to be cheerful all the time... So... Whenever you feel like you are in need of fresh air or company or something, you can come over mine for a drink or two or tea or hot chocolate or anything" she finished with ducking her face, which was probably glowing red by now.

To say he was happy was understatement, he felt like bouncing on his feet and swinging his hands like a mad man. He bit his lips to control the smile stretching on his face. There hands were touching frequently and he threw caution to winds and grasped her soft hand in his larger one and squeezed it. He felt like lightning running through his arm. No matter how much he touched her, he always felt this tingly. She looked up at him and he smiled at her.

"That's very considerate of you. I appreciate the offer and I will keep in mind to take full advantage of it" he said but didn't let her hand go. Her smile widened, she nodded and tightened her hold on his hand. She looked beautiful. What else can he say? She always looked beautiful to him no matter what. It felt nice holding hands with her on such pleasant night, with breeze ruffling her hair, like any ordinary couple. They kept walking for a few minutes and he suddenly hoped that her flat was far away. He felt something cool against his fingers and he remembered something.

"Tonks?"

"Hmm?"

"What's with this your fondness for bees?" he said rising their joined hands to her eyes level and pointing towards her bee ring."

"Umm.. I don't know.. May be they are yellow and black?"

"They are yellow and black?"

"Yes, they are hufflepuff colors, you see, ever since I was sorted in the house, I am partial towards all things yellow and black and bees are kind of small and cute"

He chuckled and nodded though he was sure that he will find even dragons cute if she was associated to them.

"I am weird aren't I? " she asked him, rolling her eyes, shaking her head and smiling at herself.

"But that's what makes you, _you_, I wouldn't change a thing about you, no matter what, I think you are adorable" he said without thinking but when he looked at her instead of seeing a smiling face that he had expected he was met with an intense and serious expression and he wondered if he had said too much, if his words had given away his feelings.

"What happened?" he asked softly "Did I said something?" feeling nervous. He didn't want to bugger anything now, when everything was going fine between them.

She bought them to a halt , looked at him searchingly for few seconds as if debating whether to say or not to say what she wanted to.

"You have no idea how much that means to me" she whispered, her eyes never leaving his. She took a deep breath "All my life I have been changing, no one ever wanted me to stay same, I was kind of experiment to everyone, No one ever wanted me for me. My mother always asked to me change my features or hairs so that I appear elegant... all the requests that always accompany when I tell that I am a metamorphmagus... And blokes... " it seemed she no longer was talking to him, there was a distant look on her face and she was saying all this to herself rather than him. She shook her head and looked towards him and smiled laced a bit with sadness "You are the first"

He hated seeing her sad, thinking about people who were selfish even wanting to change such a lovely witch. He felt like he saw a shadow of himself in her. They were both not understood by society, they both didn't quite fit in. though of course his condition was much more dangerous.

"I think of all people, _I_ know, how much I want other people to know me by _who_ I am not by _what_ I am" he understood what she was trying to say and he also understood that under this bubbly, vibrant colorful girl was an insecurity which needed reassurance which he was glad to provide.

He tipped her chin up with his fingers, making her look up at him. For a moment he just wanted to peer in the depths of her eyes "Never doubt yourself. You are beautiful and wonderful just the way you are" he leaned forward and kissed her forehead and she closed her eyes at his touch and sighed.

"Thank you" she said softly peering at him and he thought if all the people in the world were fool who wanted to manipulate her as per their tastes. And then she smiled at him in a way that was only reserved for him, and he promptly forgot about the world, what was the need really, when she was with him? And she understood him just as well as he understood her without even exchanging words. He would have leaned forward and kissed her lips, if at the same time a muggle motorbike's headlight had not flashed at their faces, making them momentarily blind and successfully ruining the moment.

They started walking again and no one spoke, no one felt the need when all could be said through eyes and too soon they were in front of her flat and he pulled away from her reluctantly. She leaned on her door and looked at him with questioning eyes "Come in?"

He would have gladly obliged, it was so tempting but he was sure he wouldn't be able to keep his hands off her in an empty house with nothing to interrupt but only her company. He shook his head with a sad smile.

"Not today, Sirius must be wondering."

She nodded at him with understanding and engulfed him in a brief hug. He felt warmth radiating from her. He never wanted to let go.

"Good night Remus" she pressed forward and gave him a sweet kiss on cheek

"Good night Nymphadora" and he returned the kiss in kind. And for once, probably_ first time_ in history she didn't told off him, or anyone for that matter, to not to call her Nymphadora. They both departed with a smile on their face and this time when he was returning home, nothing stopped him from bouncing on his feet.

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_A/N - I think the serious conversation between them was a bit hurried, but what do you think? if you liked it please also press that little 'favorite' button and please review. next chapter will be up within 3 days :)_


	6. Chapter 6

_Warning - This chapter is full of fluff, all the pillows in my house are now fluff-less because all the fluffiness has been transferred here. Reason? Because I am a single, boyfriend-less girl and I am currently living my romantic life through Remus and Tonks :P _

_I do not own Harry Potter...__ obviously!_ (*rolls eyes*)

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_Mid-September _

Remus Lupin was sitting in library, facing the fire, on the sofa and was doing one of the most dangerous things - Thinking! He was damned and he knew it. Things with Tonks were getting serious, even though nothing had been said by either of the parties... _Yet. _But it wasn't a secret between them that they both fancied each other. Who was he kidding? _This_... whatever it was between them ran deeper down _'just a fancy'..._ at least from his side. The moment he had set his eyes on her, he had known it was never going to be _just a fling_ or something _casual._ And he also knew she wasn't the type of girl to do causal encounters either.

They could both see in each other's eyes. The way they behave could have easily passed as _friends _but they knew it was more than that. How a mere touch of a finger caused the other to shiver or how they often caught each other staring when they thought the other was not looking or how they looked for _excuses_ to touch or to linger just a moment more.

He could easily tick his options on his fingers. He knew he was serious for her, now, the two scenarios were, that either she felt the same way about him or she did not. Part of him, _noble_ part of him hoped that it was just a crush that she felt that would fade away with time, but there was other part of him that pained at this prospect. The noble part of him didn't want her to get hurt by committing herself in a relationship with him, a relationship which was very complicated, which would never be accepted in society. But the selfish part of him, part which said that he too deserves happiness in his life, wanted to scream _to hell with society_. The same selfish part wanted Tonks to return his feelings so that they can be together, so that he can make her _his sweetheart, _that part believed that mutual love will overcome every complication, every problem.

He could hear a voice in his head, a voice that so resembles Sirius saying_ it's not as if you have to marry her, it's too early for that._ Yes it was too early for thinking such heavy things such as_ marriage_, but didn't it is where a long term relationship leads? Granted he would be happy and content in just being with her but it wouldn't be fair on his part to burden her with that. She must have seen dreams regarding her marriage, her wedding, how can he expect such a big sacrifice on her part? What kind of husband will he become, where the wife will have to arrange her schedule as per _full moon_? Where he couldn't even gift her expensive materials because of his ever lasting poverty? Who knew how long this war will last, what if they lose? The condition and prejudice regarding werewolves will be worse. How will she face bigotry that will come by association to her? And children... He forced his mind wheels to come to a halt. He was thinking_ too ahead_. What if she didn't even want to be with him in the first place? But What if she did? The same question arises again that where the relationship will lead...

Just to avoid all these complications he sometimes hoped that nothing was serious from her part. But then if that was true, he will be crushed. He kept wondering what will be complicating things more. Her _returning_ his feelings or her _not returning_ his feelings?

He felt a headache coming it was all very confusing. Every time he tried to think, he felt like he was caught in a never ending cycle. He had no clue what to do, and decided that he will let the things go, as they were going. But he will not be able to escape from it forever, he will have to face it soon. He knew she had seen _love_ in his eyes. Love that wanted _more_ than just being friends. Soon she will question him... he knew what she will ask of him... What will he do then?

He sighed. _He was damned and he knew it. _

He was lost in his musings but jerked out of them when a scent filled his nose. _Her_ scent. It was enough to make his heart race. He didn't even heard her coming. He felt her small cold hands crept to his shoulders and felt her squeeze his shoulders. He didn't knew that the shiver that ran down his spine was because of her touch or the sudden cold that her hands have brought or both.

"Wotcher Remus" Her sweet quiet voice, so like music filled the silent library.

He closed his eyes and let his head fall back at her loving touch. He felt electricity down to his very core. "Hello Nymphadora"

She didn't admonished him for calling her by her name, she hardly did these days. Whether it was due to the fact that she had resigned herself that he would never call her _Tonks _or whether she liked her name when _he_ said it, He didn't knew. But he felt special that only he was allowed to address her by her first name.

She didn't removed her hands, rather started softly pressing his shoulders, kneading softly. "You are all in knots" she said while pressing her thumbs into the side of his neck. "Is there anytime you are not so tense?"

He could hear her frowning without even looking at her. He tried to form words, which he was finding quite difficult, with her hands applying pressure at all his sore muscles. This was another aspect of their relationship that he had grown comfortable with. He hardly felt so cozy and comfy with a person, let alone a woman. He was often cautious and wary regarding physical touch. Hardly anyone wants be in a close proximity with a werewolf, handshakes, hugs, pat on back was rare occurrences to him. His being a werewolf colored everyone's perception. But with_ her _it feels _natural. _He now _yearned_ her touch, it was soothing.

He opened his eyes and found two big brown eyes, that he had come to love so much, peering into his dark blue ones. He felt her breath on his face but instead of shying away from it, he felt serene, _as usual. _He tried to breathe her in.

He exhaled slowly and said raising his eyebrows at her "When you are as old as me, you cannot be anything but tense."

She rolled her eyes at him "Oho Remus, how old are you? Hundred and forty two?" She said but didn't ceased movements of her hands. He was sure though if she continued doing it, he will lose all coherent thoughts. He brought his both hands and halted her movements by catching her each hand in each of his, and placed delicate little kiss to each of her palms. Lately, there places of kisses were also increasing, earlier it was limited to cheeks during good-byes and good-nights, then it progressed to foreheads, top of heads, hands and they no longer waited for _good-night _for pressing a kiss to the other... he wondered soon it will reach to lips...

She sighed happily at his kiss. He pulled her forward by hand so that now her cheek rested beside his cheek, her arms dangling from his neck, hugging his neck from behind, and her hands were caught in his, with only back of sofa between them. The feel of her soft cheek on his stubbled one was exciting. He rubbed his rough cheek against her soft one, lightly. If he would have known any spell, he would have ceased the time because he had no desire of going anywhere from here, no desire to leave her side or her warm presence. He was like gray in the sky before sunrise and she was his rose-pink light of dawn.

_Oh how much he loves her... she has no idea..._

"How come you are early from work? And why are your hands so exceptionally cold? It's not even _that_ cold outside" he asked her, rocking there heads slightly and he wonders if speaking words will break the peaceful aura that surrounds them.

"Take it as a disadvantage of being a _m. m. magus _"

"_M. m. magus ?_" and he wondered how come her hands are so cold but rest of her body is radiating warmth.

"Hmm... Metamorphmagus is such a long word, takes about 2 second to roll off my tongue and when I was a child I was hardly able to pronounce it, so I shorten it to _m. m. magus. _"

He chuckled. It was such a _tonks-thing_ to do.

"Alright then, how is your being _m. m. magus _related to your cold hands?"

"Well I have always had this problem and since m. m. magus are so rare I can hardly confirm my theory with other but healer at St. Mongos probably guessed that it has to do something with the blood of m. m. magus , so whenever it gets even a little cold outside, my hands, my feet and nose are always colder than others" Then as if to prove her point she suddenly pressed tip of her nose to his exposed neck above his collar, he yelped at the sudden cold.

"Blimey Nymphadora, you are a walking freezer!" He tried not to get distracted from combination of her cold nose and warm breath when she chuckled in return.

"And you are a walking comforter." She then nuzzled her nose in his neck and he felt a fluttering in his chest and stomach. He couldn't help but notice that way she inhaled his scent in the process, under the pretense of nuzzling. His breath quickened at the thought. No other person makes him feel the way she does.

He pulled her forward, indicating the place next to him on sofa "Come on then, sit with me" and she gladly obliged. He propped his legs on the table and she curled up around him. Encircling her arms around his waist, pulling up her legs, folding them and placing them on his thighs. And lastly she placed her head on his shoulder. He in return enveloped his one arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer. He couldn't help but his heart swelled a little at such intimacy, he thanked his stars for her being in his arms, because it felt like _heaven_. He felt so alive at all the places she touched him. He tingled all over at her touch, at her closeness, he could practically feel the warmth radiating from her. _This_ was what was missing from his life all these years. How is he ever going to survive without this?

_When did you became from a stranger to such an inseparable part of my life? What am I going to do without you, dearest? Surely, you deserve more than a battered broken werewolf, you deserve someone whole and young like you, but how, oh but how will I ever manage to see you with another man?_

As soon as that thought entered his mind, an unbidden image sprung up in front to his eyes, Nymphadora in a wedding gown, next to a handsome faceless man. He felt his blood boil and a felt a sudden ache in chest as if someone had set his heart ablaze. He tightened his hold on her and pulled her to him, his other hand encircled around her waist possessively.

"Remus?" Her voice came as a wonderful distraction from painful thoughts.

"Hmm, N. dora "

She raised one eyebrow at him and asks with a half curious smile playing on her lips "N. dora ?"

He nodded. "You see, I have figured your problem" he said while making a show of looking pensive, staring at the ceiling and then back at her "I think that, you apparently can't pronounce your _own_ name therefore insist everyone that your name is Tonks" he said and ducked from the blow he knew was coming from her. And indeed it came.

She poked him in the ribs rather pointly and and mock-glared at him "I can very well pronounce _Nymphadora_" she completed with shudder.

"Oh but your secret is in open. You shortened metamorphmagus because its long and difficult to pronounce, I thought I would do same with your name and call you N. dora"

"Or you can call me Tonks" she rolled her eyes at him.

"I will start calling you Tonks, the day you start calling me Lupin" he challenged her, raising his eyebrow at her knowing very well that she will relent.

"Fine, Remus! just call me Dora then. But _not_ in front of others, I don't want them to pick up same habit as yours."

A name from him to her, that only he could call her,_ I rather like the idea_.

"Dora it is then" he smiled at her and adjusted his hold on her, placed his one arm around her waist and stroked mass of pink fluff on her head, that she called hair, with the hand that was draped around her shoulders. She settled back on his shoulder. "So, Dora, what were you saying earlier?"

She became oddly quiet for a moment and he thought she wasn't going to say anything, but then she said in a voice that sounded small, unlike her "What do you think of me?"

He looked at her a little surprised with such a question. She was biting her lower lip and he felt an urge to pull that lip out of her teeth delicately and instead bite it for her. She looked like she was questioning her wisdom of asking him such a question. She looked a little insecure and not for first time, he observed that she tried to hide all her insecurities under her jovial personality, which a common person will probably not notice. He decided to be honest, but before he could have said anything, she spoke again.

"I mean, like when you met me for the first time, what did you thought of me? Didn't my attire bothered you?"

_When I saw you first time, I thought you have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen._ He decided to not to tell her that part.

"Tonks..err.. Dora" he corrected and smiled at her "I have learned my lesson hard way, after being treated by people the way I have been, when they find out that I am a werewolf, I know never to form opinion and judge one by their appearances." He looked into her eyes and found her staring back into his eyes. He swallowed.

"I thought, you looked rather _cute_" he emphasized by poking her waist lightly and making her squirm. "But what struck to me most about you was, that even though you looked like a modern youngster, you didn't behaved like them- I mean, you weren't ignorant like others, spending time at home or partying thinking Voldemort was not back, But you not only understood but also decided to do something about it. And I couldn't help but notice that you weren't just a pretty face but also intelligent, smart and with sharp common sense, and trust me when I say that because I know common sense is not so common in people."

She nodded and put her head back on his shoulder and tightened her hold on his waist. He touched her foot with the hand that was on her waist, and true to her words they were icy cold, he closed his big hand around both her feet and rubbed lightly to warm them. He could't help but think that this will be what it will be like to be with her together, spending leisure time within the confines of the room with war worries left behind. "Why did you ask?"

"Just felt like asking.. I mean it's not daily that anyone compliments me and you are good for my ego" Her voice was muffled into his chest, he felt vibrations going through it and goosebumps erupted all over his body at the sensation. Though she has said lightly enough to pass it off as a joke, he knew there was uncertainty in her tone and decided to drop off the subject for her sake. He rather asked a question that had been buzzing in his mind for a long time though her warm breath was distracting him and he noticed that her head has shifted from his shoulder to his chest and felt like doing a small victory dance. His heart was beating faster than normal and he knew she will be able to feel it, if not hear it.

"Dora... Why my being werewolf never bothered you?" he asked tentatively, waiting nervously for her answer.

She looked up, placed her chin on his chest and peered through her pink fringe that was now peppered with red. Her nose and lips were now dangerously close to his and the temptation to cover the distance was maddening. "Why should it? You are a wolf only on full moon night, only for few hours, rest of the time you are as human as next person"

"But other people rather take me as a monster." he said frowning

She smoothed off his frown with her finger and then placed her hand on his cheek, stoking lightly. "To hell with other people, I am not other people, other people are ignorant. I mean their logic is at fault. They say werewolf are monster and bite innocent children and people but they tend to forget if that the same innocent person is bitten, he will turn into a werewolf too, then how just a bite will rob them of their innocence? And it's not even in your control, why to blame you for something that is not under your command and you are helpless in front of it." she looked into his eyes and kissed tip of his nose. "And you are the most wonderful man I have ever met." she whispered the last part.

She was looking at him intensely as if captivated and he was sure that he was looking at her the same way. He could see longing in her eyes and he felt his mouth go dry. Was this finally the time? He could feel her breath on his lips, slightly flushed cheeks and his own breathing was quickening. She shifted her glance from her eyes to his lips and he swallowed. His heart was beating fast and blood was pounding in his ears, he was sure he wouldn't be able to hear anything over the pounding. She looked in to his eyes, tilted her head and leaned very slightly, that if he wasn't looking closely he might have missed the movement. He was acutely aware of how their hands have shifted. Her one hand was still on his cheek, which had became considerably warm whereas her other hand rested on his chest, he was sure she could feel his heart reverberating around his ribs. His own hands had shifted to her waist and he could feel her warm skin from the flimsy material of her top.

Was this the moment? But what will happen next when all the cards will be placed on the table? He was just thinking about it few minutes ago and he hadn't even decided what he will do. If he kissed her now he won't be able to take it back, what if he ruined her life? What if she will get trapped in his miserable life? All the question buzzed in his head, he saw her leaning further and her eyes fluttering closed and he panicked.

But his utter misfortune was that he panicked at the exact moment she had decided to cover the distance, but before her lips could have touch his lips, he had turned his head in a way that her lips landed a little away from the corner of his mouth.

_Oh no!_

He closed his eyes in dismay, this was not the way he had wanted as he heard her breath hitch, and felt her pulling away from his face slowly. He willed his head to turn and meet his eyes. He slowly gathered the courage, took a deep breath and turned towards her to see her eyes opening. What he saw there made his heart clench. Those beautiful big brown eyes were filled with hurt.

_Oh my..._

He was too dumbstruck to react, but he saw her blinking her eyes hard to keep the tears that were now welling up in her eyes, at bay, making her eyelashes wet. Her cheeks were coloring. His heart sank, this was the last thing he had wanted, she will probably think that he didn't wanted to kiss her where the truth was that he had yearned to do so, longer than he cared to admit. She slowly removed her hands from his face and chest, and her legs from his thighs, all the while avoiding looking in to his eyes. He felt a pang of remorse at the loss. He opened his mouth but no words came. _Do something._ He saw as she pulled herself away from his body and rose sharply from the sofa, turned around when he heard a tiny sob escape from her and she clapped a hand on her mouth to stifle the noise. This was enough to will him to make a move and he grabbed her wrist and pulled her down next to him. She wiped her tears hastily all the while turning her face away from him. He was resisting the urge to bang his head on the table when he cupped her face in both of his hands and forced her to face him, when she still was not looking him in the eyes he ducked his head and their eyes met.

Tears as big as pearls were running down her beautiful face and her eyes shone with unshed tears. It was both _breathtaking_ and _heartbreaking_ sight at once. Breathtaking because she looked uncommonly innocent and pure with tears in her wide eyes and heartbreaking because he hated seeing tears in her eyes and moreover because he was the cause of it.

He hasn't even done anything yet and she was already crying, he was already breaking her heart.

But probably she was crying _because_ he hasn't done anything?

"Dora, I m sorry..." he said lamely, while trying to ignore the burden on his heart, why can't he think anything better to say? "I just panicked." wiped tears from her cheeks with his thumb, then stroking her wet cheekbones.

"Yeah I am probably that type of girl who makes people panic when they try to get too near" she said quietly and shakily and first he thought she was being sarcastic but the written sadness on her face told him otherwise. His heart sank further. He had made her doubt herself.

He took a deep breath. "No, Merlin no! You have no idea what you mean to me. No woman has ever made me feel the way you do. I just panicked.. Because.. Well... Do you know what it will mean? To be associated with me? With a werewolf?"

She frowned at him and he felt disappointment flood in him when a thought came into his mind that she probably has not considered the implications of being with the werewolf, she was just acting on pure feelings.

But then she proved him wrong by saying "I know Remus, what you mean, and trust me, I know the implications. People will not approve, but then since when I have paid any attention to people? If I would have then I would not have joined the Order in the first place, which is a threat to society in the eye of Ministry. My principles and my judgement will not be based on other people's opinion. I know the kind of man you are, gentle and kind, I couldn't care less about people." she said it with utmost sincerity and his heart went out for her, he was barely able to look away. He wanted to say that it won't be that easy, but he didn't wanted to make her feel as if he was trying to push her away. God knew, he was too weak for that.

So he questioned another problem."I am so poor, I will hardly be able to take you to expensive restaurants, _hell_, I won't even be able to take you to cheap restaurants, how will you feel then when you will want to go to a place that I hardly can afford?" he said feeling embarrassed because his financial position was one of the topics he hardly wanted to discus with the woman he loved.

"Remus, I don't want to be with you so you can _feed me_, I can manage that well enough on my own, even if I tend to burn my food sometimes. I don't care how poor or rich you are. I will be well content with just a stroll by street or you know... Sitting under the tree near the lake or something" She gestured vaguely with her hands flailing here and there "All I want is your company, it will be enough for a date. But if you don't want me..." she finished looking defeated.

_How can I not want you?_

It was true though that if any woman who couldn't care less about his money was Tonks.

"Don't ever doubt that. You know, I am really sorry I made you cry, as I said I just panicked while thinking that you may not understand the implications of being with me." he tried to muster all the sincerity in his tone and he was rewarded with a beautiful albeit little watery smile in return. He sighed and prayed that he hasn't ruined the moment.

_Why am I still talking? It's time to do something._

He leaned forward and she closed her eyes in anticipation. He didn't wanted to look away from her face but his own eyes closed on their own accord. Ever so lightly his nose pressed in her cheek and he took in the breath let out by her and pressed his lips to hers tentatively. At once everything around them froze and he felt like he will faint from the sensation. His heart thudded violently with happiness. He started moving his lips tentatively over hers and his blood sang when she returned the kiss. He was so overwhelmed that he never wanted to let her go. He stroked her temple with his fingers while his other hand crept into her hairs, pressing her mouth more firmly against his. Her own hand tangled in his hair where, her other hand peeked a little under his shirt beneath his collar, caressing, making him shiver. He had no intention to stop but he wanted to gauge her reaction. He pulled away from her slowly.

He saw her opening her eyes, with shallow breathing, glow from the fire dancing in her brown orbs."For a moment there, I was afraid that may be you don't feel the same way about me." she whispered though happiness shone brightly in her eyes.

"How could I not? The moment I looked into your eyes first time I knew that I was lost and knew that I will never be the same again." he whispered back and hoped that it didn't sounded too corny or sappy because no matter what, it was the truth. She flashed him a dazzling smile and this time there was no stopping. This time when there lips met there was no tentativeness no hesitancy. Though they were gentle, desperation and all the hunger that were bottled up within them for all these months, was obvious from their movements. He pulled her flush against him while rubbing her back urging her forward with one hand and feeling the supple skin of her neck with other hand. The way she caressed his chest forced him to take a ragged breath. She pressed her tongue into his mouth boldly and their tongue met in a frenzied dance such that they both moaned. His tongue caressed her's and the sensation took his breath away. He pulled her up in his lap without breaking the kiss, where she straddled him, he didn't wanted even an inch of space between them. He pressed her to him, clung to her as if she was his lifeline. The way her now warm hands on his back, pulled him towards her, he knew she felt the same. His one hand managed to creep under her top and he felt the silky smooth skin of her bare waist. She moaned appreciatively when he caressed her bare back and he couldn't express the way she was making his body hum. He pulled away from her mouth to breathe but had no intention of letting her go, he didn't felt like even wasting a second. He kissed his way from back of her ear to her jaw, licking and nipping her skin lightly in the way making her shiver. He knew he was being fast and needy but Merlin knew he had waited _too_ long.

"Remus.." she whispered while stroking his back.

"Uh huh" he replied while kissing her neck, apparently all words in English language forgotten. He kissed her pulse, grazing his teeth lightly and felt that he had never tasted something so glorious.

"I... want... to tell you.. something."she spoke with difficulty and his chest swelled at pride that he had brought her to this reluctantly pulled his lips away from her and looked into her eyes, shining with adoration for him and he fell in love with her all over again.

"Yes?" he replied panting and realized that she was out of breath as well. She looked like a dream, peace of his beautiful imagination, there sitting on his lap flushed against him, her pink hair now flecked all over with red, mussed and disheveled, her red lips puffy and wet from his kisses, little pink marks on her jaw and she had never looked more admirable, more adorable, more desirable that an _'awww'_ almost slipped from his mouth but he forced it back down his throat. He didn't wanted her to think that he was... _girly_... at _this_ moment!

"That was the best snog of my life." she smirked wickedly taking his appearance and he knew he looked no better than her.

"I assure you the sentiment is mutual." he said while pressing a kiss to the corner of her mouth. He couldn't wrap his head around the idea that he finally was allowed to do so "You are_ intoxicating_, you know that? I have wanted to do that to you the moment I set my eyes on you."

"Shame we wasted so much time then."

"Not anymore" he said huskily while lowering her to the sofa for another snog session.

After an hour of lots of snogging, groping and caressing, they lay on sofa together. He lay on his side holding Tonks who lay on her back. His head was on her shoulder for a change, he was tracing pattern on her stomach through her t-shirt and she was stroking his hairs, their limbs were tangled. Though there was a nagging worry behind his mind that this will be painful in future especially for her, he pushed aside the worry for their sake, after all how many times did he get in his life to be in the arms of the woman he loved? Who by some miracle reciprocated his feelings, though up to what extent he was still unaware and he didn't feel like breaking the peaceful aura that once again had settled around them. He can't remember when was the last time he was so happy, though it scared him like hell because his past was proof that whenever he had been happy, the reason for his joy has been snatched away from him. But right now, all that mattered was that she was by her side, igniting his soul and he can't remember the last time he had felt so alive. Until now he was only surviving but now he felt like _living_ his life, _with her_. With that thought he snuggled closer to her, kissed her collarbone delicately and inhaled her scent feeling her heartbeat and her chest rising & falling in rhythm, she in return, kissed his forehead. He knew that if their was heaven anywhere on earth, it was _here_, in her arms.

He was home. _Finally._

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_A/N - so what do you feel about this chapter? Enough fluff to keep you bouncing? How do you feel about their snogging session? *blush* *blush* It was my first time writing something like this. Please review and if you feel like please 'favorite' and 'follow' the story. Next chapter will be up soon, within a week probably._


	7. Chapter 7

_Thank you Saraell, remusdora, pleione-x, PrincessDreamGirl, danadanaBATMAN, ellieh804, jesstlupin for your reviews, I will be looking forward from you all more :)_

_Well, those who don't know, though I hardly think there would be anyone but, there's a little mention, so for the sake of convenience, 'chocolate makes dogs sick.'_

_I do not own Harry Potter_

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He was in the drawing room, sitting on the sofa with a book on his lap, one would think he had no better work but truth was with Order work increasing, he hardly got such leisure time in between. Fire was merrily crackling and his eyes were roving the book rhythmically. When after few months he had thought that he would turn mad by reading only books of Grimmauld's library, he had borrowed few books from Tonks. She had given him total four books, on top was a book named _Top Dog: Becoming alpha male_, next book was named _ways to bewitch a witch_ and rest two books were rather much more in accordance with his taste. After seeing first two books he had raised his eyebrows and had wondered if she was pulling his leg and playing a prank or if she was trying to give some him some hint.. But one look at her face where she was trying to hold her laughter, while seeing horror on his face, had told him all he had to know.

He licked a bit of his index finger to turn a page and thought that he could do much better things with his hand, mouth and eyes than reading a book. Unfortunately, object of his affections was not here, not yet anyway. It had been three days since he had last seen her, later he had been busy with order business and when he was free, she had been on duty. He longed to look once at her glowing face. In the past few weeks, since they had been together, felt like moments and days from another universe, another life. For once he was content with spending time with his loved once. He practically lived in Grimmauld place these days and well, she stayed here, anyway, more than her flat. He had got his friend back, even though Sirius remained inebriated for most of the time, it still felt nice to reminisce old times. The few weeks that have followed, after their first kiss, they have been spending as much as time as they could amidst order duties and her job. Whenever she was able to, she sneaked upon him in his room at nights, when he might or might not be sleeping. They slept together, and by slept he meant _only_ sleeping and cuddling, _fully clothed_. With her in his arms, safely tucked, away from troubles of world, he felt most at peace.

He had also came to know so many details about her, small things, that he doubted anyone else knew. Like when she let go of every morph from her body she had a small scar beneath her chin she got as a child when she fell from a tree, and another one just above her left eyebrow, he always made a point to kiss them whenever she showed them, that is only in front of him; she was born with dark brown hairs, which were her natural color, though after seeing her only in bright colors, it was bit disconcerting to see such an ordinary color on her but he soon got used to it; she had dimples at the back of her shoulders on top, again which he made a point to kiss whenever they were alone and if her clothing allowed; one of the hidden talents she had was that she could sing quite well and contrary to the popular belief she could also cook, though it might not be of Molly's standard but it was edible. When he had raised eyebrows at her about it, she had shrugged and had told him that she had been living alone for past five years and she had to learn to cook to survive as she just can't live on canned food. And how he enjoyed such little trivial things about her, he took his joy in it.

He once again roved his eyes on the book, picking it up a bit, reading the last paragraph on the page when a belly button with a tiny navel ring came in front of his eye level.

_Ah..finally.._

He looked up, trying to hide the smile that was threatening to spread on his face. Now when he got to see her face he realized how much he had missed her.

"Don't you think the shirt is a bit too short for you?" he asked while raising one eyebrow trying to hide his amusement. There she was standing with her one knee placed between his knees, hands on hips, tiny deep red t-shirt with copper color hairs and tattered torn jeans. She looked pretty as usual but he couldn't stop from teasing her.

She narrowed her eyes at him.

"Are you complaining?"

"Yes." he lied.

"Really?"

"No." he couldn't keep a straight face and gave a breathy chuckle while his breath probably tickled her stomach as he saw her belly quivering. He placed his hands on both sides of her hips, pulled her forward and gave a lingering kiss just above her belly button. She giggled. He knew she was ticklish there. She bent forward and placed her hand on his shoulder and looked him into the eye all the while smiling sweetly.

"I missed you."

"And I missed you..." before the last word had left his mouth her lips was on his in a kiss full of longing and to express just how much they have missed each other. He pulled away, only to pull her unto his lap side ways, he snaked his one arm around her bare waist while his other arm was tangled in her hair to kiss her properly in greeting. He brushed her lips lightly, almost teasingly and stroked her bottom lip with his tongue. She inhaled strongly at that and pulled his head more firmly against her mouth and deepened the kiss. He chuckled at her impatience but soon _he_ was forced to take a shuddering breath when she raked her nails through his scalp. Soon they pulled away to breathe, and he took her face in hungrily through his eyes. He kissed her forehead affectionately and she smiled at him in the way that was only reserved for him.

"How have you been?" his voice more husky.

She wrinkled her nose. "As good as you could be if you were on patrol duty near a cold lonely cottage where Sirius Black is supposedly hiding when in truth, I know he was here in probably in kitchen sulking and drowning in firewhisky. I was so sorely tempted to give him away." she sighed in frustration. "And I even fell down while climbing the stairs. I swear this place has got something against me." she added while pointing towards her knees which were peeking out of her torn patches in her jeans, of angry red color.

He placed his warm hands on her knees, healing it absentmindedly while asking her "Is that why you wear holey jeans, so that you can assess the damage of your injured knees, every time you fall?" thinking that she probably fell so much, that it would be trouble always to fold jeans up to knees to heal them.

She didn't paid any heed to him but rather, looked at her own knees and removed his hands and looked impressively at her knees which were now their original pale color.

"You never fail to impress me with your wandless and non verbal magic." she said with a wide eye expression.

"May be that's why, I probably do it?" he replied bashfully, which was truth really, he had so few things that he could brag about, though it was not in his nature to brag but every once in a while trying to impress his _own_ girlfriend, and not _someone else's_ won't hurt, would it? He kissed her now healed knees tenderly and She sniggered behind her hands.

"Now, if you would be so kind on _my_ knees and instead sit next to me?" he asked teasingly.

"Are you insinuating I am fat?"

"You are a smart woman." he winked at her and got a deserving pinch on his arm. Though it was far less, he had heard from his friend how torturous women can be if you even indirectly and unintentionally point out they were fat. But then again, his Tonks, _his Dora_ was not like others. She sat down next to him anyway. In fact she curled up on the sofa next to him, placed her head in his lap, which from experience he now knew that it was her favorite place to be.

He parted her fringe to place a loving kiss on her temple. Though something was odd...

"Dora?"

"Hmm." her voice was muffled as her face was buried in his stomach."You are behaving positively _chipper_ but looking very tired. How so?" he asked while pulling her face and traced dark circles gently with his index fingers beneath her eyes.

As if on cue, she yawned. "Well I am tired, you see, I have hardly got sleep in past 48 hours, and I was needed for a surveillance job, _again_, so I wen to ministry apothecary and bought that _wake up potion_ that works for about 8 hours, it must be about to wear off or may be already wearing off.. " she yawned.

He smiled tenderly at her, patting and stoking her head. "Sleep then, I am here." nodding, she closed her eyes and he gave her a chaste kiss on her cheek while taking in her comforting scent. The war had barely started and it was already taking a toll on her, she hardly got any time between order and auror duties, where people of her age should be partying and having fun, she was walking on a path that was bound to take away her innocence and cheerfulness. It was only few minutes that her deep breathing indicated that she was fast asleep. He was always astonished of how calmly she could sleep with him around, when half of the wizarding world felt unsafe near him. He kept stroking her hair and her deep breathing and scent lulled him into peace. He was about to pick up his book again when a smug looking Sirius walked in with a tea cup in hand.

"_Aww_ isn't that cute, Moony?" he said in a mock disgust voice, even though Remus knew that his friend was happy for him despite his own circumstances. He smiled inwardly, it was first time that he was awed upon, even though it was in mock disgust. He was glad that him and Tonks had made Sirius go _aww._

He placed his hand on Tonks's ear protectively and pulled her lightly so that her other ear was covered by his stomach, to make sure Sirius's loud voice does not disturb her and apparently this action didn't escaped Sirius's notice and he smiled to himself for his friend and his cousin, and for once didn't commented on it.

"Keep your voice low, Padfoot, unlike you and me, she has got a job to do and needs her sleep, and as for you another comment, you are just _jealous_." he said in a low voice.

He sat on an armchair and raised his teacup in an entire royal fashion and replied in a haughty way. "She is my cousin, like my little sister, no need to be jealous."

"I am talking about myself, you are just jealous that you will have to share me, that I care about her more than you." he replied good naturedly, teasing him, it was rare occasion when anyone can get on Sirius _the dog_ Black's nerve.

"Dream on Moony, there is not a one chance in million that I will waste my dog-drool on you." he replied while throwing his long back hairs behind his shoulders, a movement worthy of a veela and while slurping his tea.

_Sirius Black with tea at 11 in night?_ One would think the lecture he had got recently from Molly on excessive alcohol consumption had actually reached his brains.

He took his wand out slowly.

"Accio teacup."

His teacup came flying to him sloshing the liquid a bit, he peered in the cup, and it was _firewhisky!_

"Really Sirius, you thought you can get past through _me_?"

Sirius looked sullen that his trick was caught. "Well it worked for two days, Molly thought I was drinking tea." he said defensively.

"You know I am fairly tempted to feed my all chocolate to you the moment you transform into snuffles."

"As a payback for fifth year, when we got homework in care for magical creatures and I asked you to be my project?"

He laughed at the memory. The moments they had spent together in school were bizarre. Tonks stirred a bit, turning and burying her face in his stomach once again, he sighed happily. Lightly he caressed her shoulder, and she curled her arm around him. In other's eye he might look like a love struck fool, which he probably was. When was the last time he was so in love? He couldn't even remember.

Sirius was looking at them with watchful eyes. He looked up and silently questioned him by raising one eyebrow. "Don't mess it up Moony." he said very seriously. He knew where this was going and thought, that Sirius probably knew him too well.

"I have seen you looking at her, when you think no one is looking, in a way that tells clearly, at least to me, that you keep thinking that this might be last day with her, as if she is going to vanish. I don't know what you were up to the when I was in Azkaban, but I know you weren't chasing witches."

"I wasn't." which was truth, because after few years of Potter's death, he was least bothered in the world around him, and then when he had gathered momentum, realized that life indeed does goes on, he had tried to survive by doing odd jobs and relationships were at that time too much trouble, because truth would have came out when he would have gone missing on every full moon, therefore he had almost given up on the idea of relationships and love.

"Don't think you would have no one to answer to, though, _this time_." Sirius continued "I was in Azkaban and well now I want to fulfill every relation I have failed to. I want to be the godfather Harry needs, I want to be the big cousin to Tonks, whom I should have seen growing up, and I want to be a good friend to you which I failed to be, even _before_ I went to Azkaban."

"Sirius, really, there's no need, I don't blame you."

"I know you don't but it was my fault, it still pains to think only if I would have trusted you.." he trailed off.

It pained Remus also, to think various _only if_, _what ifs_, situation. _What if_ he wasn't a werewolf, _what if_ there was no Peter in scene, _what if what if_... But it does no good to dwell in _what ifs_..

"Anyway... We are Gryffindor men, we are brave and noble but for god sake don't take your noble act too far this time, that you even put Godric to shame. Be brave and fight for what you love. Don't let your insecurities win Moony."

He chuckled. "Is this the effect of firewhisky or did you prepared a speech for some big brother talk?" thinking that Sirius was one of the last person he had imagined to be having this kind of _big-brother_ talk with.

Sirius sniffed in amusement. "Yeah, it got all very _Sirius_ isn't it? Getting all sentimental."

Remus groaned at _Sirius's siriously_ joke. Somethings never change.

All the time he had been stroking Dora's head and now he wondered if she was still sleeping? What if she would have heard all this? But her breathing was still deep and he realized she was still in deep slumber. Also the air around them had grown quiet cold, he conjured a blanket, covering her, knowing well how cold her feet would be, tucking her properly.

"Awww Moony, aren't you going _softie_ in old age." Sirius spoke again while tossing his hair back.

He frowned. "You know, know matter what shampoo you use, you will never have glamour that of Snape's shiny greasy hairs."

Sirius shuddered. "Merlin help me! I need a strong drink to get the memory out of my system."

He got up only when Tonks turned in her sleep. For a moment there Sirius watched her like a brother who didn't got time to see her sister grow up, his affection for Tonks were understandable, seeing his own brothers and sisters were a bunch of death eaters. He bent over Tonks and planted a kiss on her forehead sloppily, Remus winced in anticipation that Tonks might wake up.

Sirius looked up at Remus and asked wide eyed."You want one too Moony?"

"No bad dog, go brush your teeth." Remus hissed squeezing his eyes shut and facing away from him, but Sirius had already transformed into Snuffles and had already given him a generous lick on his cheek full of dog slobber, trotting away.

Remus sighed and shuddered at the feel of it, and wiped it clean with a flick of his wand, from himself.

It had been worrying him ever since, impact of _him_ in _her_ life. She surely smiled a lot and a little brighter whenever she was with him, but will this smile remain when people will start taunting her? How badly will he be affecting her life in long time? It was not in his heart to push her away, and he couldn't even if he wanted. They both worked in order avoiding each other was out of question just like resisting her whenever she was within 1 meter of radius was out of question. Thought of leaving her was.. Excruciatingly painful.

He engulfed her in his arms, as well as he could with her curled up in his lap like a kitten, buried his head lightly in her hair and kissed back of her neck. She stirred and he winced inwardly, poor soul couldn't sleep properly with all commotion going.

She turned and looked up at him, blinking back sleep.

"Didn't meant to wake you. Go back to sleep, love." he cringed inwardly again at the endearment. It wasn't that he didn't wanted to tell her how deeply he felt about her, he did. Sometimes he felt as if he will burst with all the love, but telling her, saying those three words would be like a promise, and he wasn't sure if he was in a position to promise her something when his own life was so uncertain. He always became a bit_ unhinged_ at the thought of leaving her or she leaving him.

Though, it didn't felt like she had paid much attention in her drowsy state. She cupped his face in her one hand and peered groggily at him.

"You are cute, do you know that?"

He chuckled. Of all the adjectives for him, cute was the last one on his mind. He leaned forward and kissed tip of her of nose.

All of a sudden, she sat up, narrowly avoiding banging his head with hers. She adjusted the blanket, this time around both of them and buried herself in his side, practically sitting on him. He also took her in his arms and pulled her towards him.

She bit her lip, and then looked back at him wide her _trademark puppy dog eyes_ as if preparing herself to say something and he knew, something was coming, something he should _probably say no to_, but he won't be able to say because of the way she was looking at him and _she knew it_.

She gingerly stroked his fringe back and smiled in a endearing way. "You are sweet too."

Now he was growing suspicious. He was oddly reminded of a child, _buttering_ their parents so that they could agree to him to buy his favorite toy or something.

"What do you want Nymphadora?" he asked raising his eyebrow at her.

"What makes you think I want something?" she said innocently, _too_ innocently and started squeezing back of his neck and shoulder blades slowing, releasing the tension in them, while pressing a sweet kiss to the corner of his mouth.

"I think I know that look now very well. Your pleading, infuriatingly endearing look, which you know I couldn't say no to." trying to ignore the way she was trying to distract him and he could have sworn that she morphed her eyes a bit larger for dramatic effect.

"It's... Well just a... Small request."

"You tell me, and I will decide how small it is."

"Um..well.. This _full moon_-"

"No!"

"You haven't even heard what I was going to say." she said indignantly.

"I don't need to hear it, it's a no." he said with a finality, having decided from earlier that anything from Tonks with the words starting '_this full moon'_ or '_next full moon'_ or something along those lines will always elicit a negative answer from him.

"Fine!" she said a bit loudly, crossed her arms across her chest, jumped 12 inches away from him and turned her face away from him, probably pretending to sulk or may be sulking in real. He sighed in frustration, counting to ten that until how far she will be willing to take her act because he was sure, his resolve was crumbling, and sure enough, when she looked at him wide eyed with dramatic innocence and accusation, eyes brimming with exaggerated drama, he knew all too well he was in. She looked away again grumbling under breath that sounded like _'not even listening'_.

"Alright, tell me what it is?" he asked, nearing her forcing her to look at him by placing his hand under her chin and kissing her frown away, because really, whether in truth or in facade, he couldn't see her sad or angry, which he was sure will prove his greatest weakness in coming future.

"Dora.. Let me hear." he said again kissing her.

She grinned. and despite himself Remus smiled too. He rolled his eyes and mumbled _"drama queen"_ under his breath and she looked at him with narrowed eyes and he raised his both hands in surrender to placate her while trying as much to keep a straight face.

"Well I was asking Can I come to meet you this full moon after sunrise?"

He tensed slightly, he was a _sight_ on the morning after full moon, weak and vulnerable, almost crawling to get dressed and trying to get into bed, he never wanted her to see him like that. But then she only wanted to help...

"I don't think it would be a good idea, I can manage well enough on my own Dora, I have been doing this for more than 30 years." he said as gently as he could.

"I know Remus, I don't doubt that, you can handle your self very well, and well I just want to help, I promise I won't fuss, I just want to see you, and I promise I will let you sleep, I will sleep with you too, I looked up, I have a day off that day, and I-"

She was babbling and he placed his hand lightly to keep her from talking.

Well the real reason was that he hardly had anything to flaunt and what will he impress upon her when she will see him in such a weakened state? It was a matter of dignity, surely what man wanted that his girlfriend sees him in a crippled state?

"I want to be part of you, all of you, surely you can't keep it from me always Remus." She said gently.

He never wanted her to be a part of something so gruesome, seeing the one you love, with self inflicted injuries, bleeding hardly in a state to stand, and feeling helpless. But then she might be cute, adorable but she was an Auror and a tough woman, she could handle that but he wasn't sure how he felt being exposed to her in such beginning of their relationship. And it was true though, if they were in for a long term relationship, he cannot shut her out of this forever, he had just hoped the time won't come so soon..

"Talk to me, what are you thinking Remus?" she brought him out of his thoughts stroking his cheek comfortingly.

He smiled."I am not sure... It was not something I had counted on you seeing." he said truthfully.

"I won't think any less of you if that is what you are thinking." she smiled gently at him, placing a lingering kiss on his jaw making him shiver.

"If I would have been ill, you would have done it for me too."

Very few people in his life have compared lycanthropy with illness. He felt his resolve breaking and he found himself nodding, but before he could say anything further she had flung herself at him, practically tackling him, kissing him all over face muttering 'thank yous' he couldn't help but laugh. God knew what he had done to deserve her.

"Alright, my lady, but I have one condition."

She stopped her ministrations looking at him questioningly.

"You will come after about one hour of sunrise... No. Please" he hastily said when he saw her ready to protest "at least agree to this much, _please_ Dora." thinking that it would at least give him some time to get dressed and get into bed, sparing him some dignity.

She nodded, albeit reluctantly, and hugged him back burying her face in crook of his neck. He embraced her back breathing deeply, taking her scent in. This time when she kissed him, he didn't interrupted. His overpowering deep love for her was the only thing he felt.

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_A/N- I was going to include that full moon scene originally in this chapter only, but then this alone got so long.. well what do you think about it? next update will be up soon. _


	8. Chapter 8

_Hello everyone! Well Did you read latest Remus's biography on Pottermore exclusively by J.k.r? Do read, it explains all about him and Tonks that was not mentioned in detail in books. I was so happy because it actually mentions how much Remus loved Tonks, because in so many anti-Tonks fic it is shown that he just married her because of her persuasion or something (which I loathed). But coming directly from J.k.r, is solid proof. Not that I ever doubted his feelings for Tonks.. :)_

_Anyways, do have a look and then tell me how do you feel about it? _

_Here's the next chapter.I do not own Harry Potter_

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As the last rays of moon vanished from sky, he thanked Merlin it was finally over. Even though transformation back to human was less painful than transformation to wolf, it did hurt. Having your bones snapped and shape into another creature and then again changing back, when he hadn't even recovered from first transformation, within a duration of few hours, was excruciatingly painful. He could only imagine what had been happening inside his body for past 30 years, how his various organs must change brutally to accommodate the monstrous wolf within him.

One would think that as he was doing this for so many years, he would have got used to the pain now. But how can one get used to pain? It still hurts like hell, like having your body on fire. It looks like hundreds 'crucio' combined. He still dreaded full moon like he dreaded when he was a child. But now along with the pain of transformation, there was always a burden, a nagging worry of what would happen if he by any means escaped, he feared the power of destruction he had within himself.

He dragged himself, from floor, barely having the strength to stand and walk even to cover the 10 seconds distance to the bed. He had transformed this time in one of the spare rooms of Grimmalud place itself, seeing as this place was empty, as no Order meeting was to take place that night, except for Kreacher and Sirius. They weren't in danger because, well, Kreacher stayed away from _'half breed blood thirsty monster'_ as far as he can and well Sirius always had the advantage of being an animagus. He had warned Tonks of not even thinking to step in this place at full moon and had promised her that if she did so, he would never transform here and had emotionally blackmailed her that he would be then spending full moons in some cold, lonely, dangerous wood. She had relented, knowing her, as him being alone was the last thing she wanted. Though, she hadn't missed the opportunity to grumble under her breath that _'he was perfectly harmless seeing that he had been taking his potion anyway'_. Still, he didn't wanted to risk, especially on her life.

He got under the bed, all the while tightly clenching his teeth, even though his teeth ached too, to keep himself from screaming from pain. All these years, he might not have got used to pain, but he had got used to tolerating it. He gingerly got under sheets, knowing well, he would be staining them with blood, as even with potion he had managed to get some odd deep scratches, as well as he suspected some broken bones in his hands, while he was changing into the wolf. But it was nothing, that couldn't be healed, though, he just didn't had the strength to do anything. If it hadn't been for Tonks, he wouldn't even have bothered to get up from floor. He summoned his clothes, pajama bottoms and shirt, and used a spell he had learned in his teenage days to get dressed, as it was extremely painful sometimes to do it manually, specially with broken bones!

_Why had he allowed Dora to come and visit him when even breathing hurts?_

_Because she wanted_, his inner voice answered. He wondered, when had he lost the ability to say her no, and rather saying yes to everything she wanted.

When he had said he was a sight after full moon, he hadn't meant only physically, he had also meant that emotionally also he was a state. What with every fiber of his being feeling as if it was on fire, raised within him the bitterness that he had learned long ago to let go. He was bitter at these times, _Merlin so bitter._ What had he done to deserve this? He had been just a normal little child of five years old and yet he hardly knew how life actually felt when one was _not_ a werewolf. He would have been so happy, only if his life wasn't plagued by full moon. If he could stroll under full moon just like every other person. He would never have to bother that just a slip, just a little mistake and he would end up biting someone, and there was a chance that someone could be his loved one.

He closed his eyes and wondered what to do. There were still about 40 minutes for Tonks to come and well as exhausted he was he would have loved to sleep but the problem was that the pain of transformation prevented him from sleeping. Generally, the pain will fade in an hour and behind will remain only weakness, tiredness and dull ache. Then he could probably sleep for hours, without any bother.

With closed eyes, he tried to ignore the pain, tried to ignore the brutality of his life, tried to ignore the monster he had not only just witnessed but had rather experienced within himself.

The door creaked open, he looked up in time to see Tonks entering with apprehensive look on her face along with a largest cup of chocolate he had ever seen, and he smiled despite himself.

"You're early." he said in a hoarser voice than usual and tried to sound stern, but how can he when he was so please to see her, see her face which made him forget his pain even if for a moment?

She smiled sheepishly. "Mmm, sorry?"

He chucked which turned into a cough, his throat was parched. She came quickly to his side place the mug on the bedside table and sat down next to him. She peered at him worriedly.

"Water?" she whispered as if speaking loudly will send him into another fit of coughs. He nodded at her and she conjured a glass and filled it with water. She slowly helped him by supporting his head and he drank it all in two gulps. He knew she was trying very hard to not to act so as to make him awkward or uncomfortable.

He felt bad for her would be understatement. She already had so many things to worry, he had not wanted to add to them. She looked at him lovingly, brushed slight wet hairs, drenched with sweat, from his face and blew cold air on his forehead. He closed his eyes in contentment and swallowed the lump in his throat. He was not used to such tender care. He felt bad for her, for him. Only if he weren't a werewolf, he would never have to worry about implications of their relationship. He would have been able to propose her, without a worry. Thinking this he nearly cried because, well, because he was a _sentimental emotional fool_ after full moon mornings and because he may never to able to spend his life with her in the way he deserves, the way she deserves. They could never be a carefree couple when their relationship was ruled by moon. He nearly wanted to _'aww'_, but this time not on her, on _himself_. Not out of cuteness but because of pity. The kind of _aww_ people exclaim when they see something extremely pitiful.

He patted the place next to him indicating her to sit. She took of her boots off and climbed next to him but instead of lying next to him, she sat crossed legs. When he looked at her questioningly, she gingerly picked his head and placed it in his lap, seeing what she wanted, he adjusted himself in her lap. It was almost as good as lying next to her. He took her hand in his to place kisses on it, apparently forgetting his hand were broken, and he winced at the sudden pain that coursed from his arm to all over his body. Care in her eyes changed to alarm.

"What is it?"

"Just my hand, broken bones..." he said clenching his teeth. How he wished that she wouldn't have to watch him so weak.

She took out her wand and placed it on his hand bone lightly and furrowed her brow as if she was steeling herself from the pain that he would feel. She took a deep breath and muttered a bone mending spell and winced with him when his bone snapped back to shape. This time he pulled her head, with the same hand, near his lips and gave as strong kiss as he could muster to show his gratitude that she was here with him, and not running away.

She looked lovingly at him, stroking side of his face. "Do you want to have hot chocolate?" she said pointing towards the mug.

He shook his head. "Not yet, just stay with me." he whispered, taking hold of her free hand and placing her hand on his chest. She leaned forward, kissed him on forehead and with her free hand, she waved at the mug, placed a prevention spell on it.

"Are you hurt any where else?" she asked in a hoarse voice and cleared her throat. She didn't waited for his response, removed the covers up to his waist slowly and looked herself. He turned away his face, he knew his shirt would be covered in blood. What would she think of him, that he didn't even had ounce of strength to heal it? He felt exposed, clothed _yet naked_ in front of her. He was a man, for Merlin's sake not a tiny baby who needs to be taken care of. But then again, he wasn't angry at her. She just wanted to help. He was angry at himself, at his life, at Greyback, at society, at world in general!

She slowly unbuttoned his shirt, one by one, and for one second he let himself imagine that the situation was different. She was doing it out of passion, out of affection to feel his skin, and not because she needed to heal his injuries. He was scarred, how will she take that? He was specially thin immediately after transformation, seeing as his own body's excess fat was consumed in the process of transformation, it took him about two days to fully recover and be healthy, well as healthy as a werewolf can be. He had not wanted for her to see his body first time in such a way. Though he hardly considered himself handsome, but ye could be presentable enough to at least please his own girlfriend. She was so beautiful and he was... _Tainted_.

He had averted his eyes and had them shut, because he did not possessed the strength to look into her eyes fearing what he might see. He was sure he won't see anything like disgust, she was not so shallow, what he feared seeing was pity. She slowly with care healed all his deep gashes and scratches, and cleaned the sticky blood. Suddenly he was startled out of his thoughts when he felt something warm and oddly familiar on his freshly healed wounds... _Her lips._

He looked at her and found her leaning on his chest and kissing his wounds as well as she can while his head was in her lap.

"What are you doing?" he asked her a little breathless.

She looked up at him, the tender loving gentle care in her eyes almost was enough to well up his own eyes. He need not have feared. Pity was the last thing she felt, all she had in her eyes were love and care laced with a little worry.

"Kissing it better." she placed her hands at both side of his face and looked him square in the eye with utmost sincerity. "You are beautiful. Seriously, did you thought, that I would think low of you, that you would appeal less to me, after I see you like this and your scars? I have more scars than these Remus, and the reasons I have them is _downright stupid_. Because I am clumsy, or keep falling. But you? You have scars because you have been fighting, your scars symbolizes your braveness and if anything, you appeal to me even more now."

He was dumbstruck. How had he ever managed to get her? What good work had he done in his life to deserve her? He took her hand that was lightly caressing his exposed chest and placed it above his heart, which was beating like mad. He could have sworn, his heartbeat had never raced so fast in all his life.

"I love you." he whispered very lightly and softly, trying to show her through his eyes how much he loved. He was taking a _leap of faith_. She froze and her hand tightened a tad on his chest. She was staring at him wide eyed, gaping.

"What did you say?" she whispered too, as if daring herself that she had indeed heard right.

"I love you, Dora, I love you. I always have. Probably from the moment I set on my eyes on you. I love you from all my heart and life, for what it's worth. I love you so much that it's almost _tangible_. I love you, Merlin,_ I love you_." now that he had got words out of his mouth, he couldn't stop himself from repeating them again and again. He became a bit apprehensive because she was still staring at him in a way as if he was a wonder of wizarding world. He hesitantly placed tips of his fingers on her cheeks, she blinked and kept blinking when he saw with a pang that her eyes were brimming with tears. He tried to get up, had he said something wrong? But she halted him and chuckled, lightly at first, which grew into a hearty laugh that the whole cold room filled with a bit of warmth.

"Merlin Remus! Why you waited so long? God, I love you too, like mad, I love you more than you could possibly know." she rested her forehead against his. The way their eyelashes entwined, that tears from her eyes flowed from his, was almost poetic.

And when those three words spilled from her lips, he forgot the acute pain in his body, forgot that he was the werewolf, forgot that he was in a cold room where he had just spent a horrendous night, all he saw, all he remembered was her. He wiped the remaining tears from her face. He pulled her head towards him to meet her lips and he kissed her fervently, and the way in which she responded, made his heart soar and his blood sing. He pulled away to breathe seeing as his body needed oxygen. The position they were in, prevented him from feeling her whole body next to him, but for once he was content with her taking over. This time she leaned forward and peppered kisses all over his face, on his forehead, hairline, temples, cheeks, jaw, nose, eyelids, corners of mouth, chin and then lips.

"As much as I would love to keep doing this, I brought something for you." she said and searched deep within her pockets and pulled out a small vial. "Its potion-cum-oil, for muscle ache."

"Another of your brews?"

"Well yes, I looked it up in one of the most renowned potion books, it's very effective, seeing as I tired it on myself first. I couldn't poison you, now can I, or give you some irritating allergy? Without confirming if it's safe..." she trailed off busy in pulling the cork of vial and he stared at her in amazement.

Werewolves will be probably poisoned by many, all knowingly, but she had tested it on herself first, if her brew was completely safe. She tried to transfer his risk to herself, so that he would not be harmed or discomforted. Merlin, she was a wonder woman.

"Dora, are you mad? Please don't do so in future, what if you harm yourself unintentionally. I am perfectly fine by pain but I don't want even one ounce of pain on you."

Her eyes softened."Don't worry Remus, it had no poisonous ingredients." She then proceeded by taking applying the potion on his forehead and the effect was almost instantaneous. The oil almost got absorbed into his skin, and her fingers worked magic on his forehead and temples. He gave a tiny sigh when he felt the pain leaving his head and face. He suspected though that the effect was as much due to her fingers as much it was due to her brew. As she stoked his temples, skin behind his ears, place where his neck met with shoulders, pain left his body as if it was never there. When she was done, he looked up at her and whispered words of his gratitude. "Thank you, sweetheart."

She looked pleased. He nuzzled her stomach, and he buried his head in her stomach, wrapping his arms around her, taking deep breaths. He had never felt so good just after full moon and he was ready to even duel. _He loved magic! and her!_

He felt Tonks planting kiss at the back of his head and placing her cheek above his head.

"Do you feel like sleeping, now?" He pulled away from his place and sat up. "Just a minute." and he took the cup she had brought for him and almost ravishing the hot chocolate at once. He then proceed by burying his one hand in her purple hair and snaking his other arm around her torso, giving her a very chocolaty kiss to which she responded enthusiastically.

"I have never felt so happy and healthy after full moon, all thanks to you. Your presence is enough to drain away all the gloom and doom from my life."

"It was entirely selfish on my part. 'coz if you are happy, I am happy."

With that he laid down back of bed, pulling her with him, and he discarded his open shirt, all over, his initial self-consciousness and hesitancy had vanished due to her sensitivity. He wanted to feel her as much as he can. He wrapped his arms around her, placed his head next to her on the same pillow and laying his stubbled cheek next to her soft ones, kissing her cheek and closed his eyes.

"Goodnight Dora."

"Goodnight Remus."

She was his sunshine, she brought warm glow in his life and soul. He let sleep claim him. It was the most peaceful sleep after transformation of his life.

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_Reviews? please? :) Thank you_


	9. Christmas Spirit

_Hello! Here's next chapter._

_I do not own Harry Potter_

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For more than 12 years he had been sleeping alone. Till Hogwarts, he shared a dorm with the marauders, then after Hogwarts, he often lived with Sirius or James at their flat. After Potter's death, he had moved to his parents' old cottage, and had been living there until Albus offered him a job at Hogwarts. In the beginning, it had been difficult to live alone without friends, relatives but he had got used to it and had resigned himself to a lonely life. But then Tonks came into his life and she made him forgot all about being lonely.

Today, he had came to stay at his own home, at his parents' old cottage, one of the few things that he possessed, seeing as he had not been here for a very long time, and the house needed some maintenance, time to time. So he had decided to sleep a day here, see to some chores. But when night came and he tried to sleep, all he had been doing for past two hours was some tossing and turning. He was tired, technically, he should have slept at the moment his head had hit the pillow, but he couldn't.

There were two reasons for it. Firstly, Tonks had spoiled him. With her tucked into his arms, or, him tucked into her arms, most nights, he had apparently forgotten what it was to sleep alone. He knew what peace was when he slept with her and now he felt incomplete without her. Secondly, she was today on guard duty for prophecy, and well, he couldn't quite rest well until he knew she was back home and safe.

He turned again, changing his position, burying his face in pillow. If he would just imagine her next to him, he might be able to sleep...

Suddenly he felt the dark room burst with white light through his closed eyelids. His reflexes took over and he had his wand in his hand in a second. He located the source-

A Patronus- A _lynx_. _Kingsley_.

_What...?_

His unasked question was answered by the patronus when it spoke in deep voice of Shacklebolt.

_"Guard member attacked. At St. Mungo's. Stay put. Contact soon."_ and the patronus vanished.

He couldn't quiet grasp what had just happened, all that kept flashing through his head were the words '_guard member attacked_' again and he couldn't make out anything because his head was buzzing with the words- _Guard member..._ _Nymphadora... On guard duty..._

Guard member attacked.. Nymphadora... Dora... Tonks... Attacked...What his brain finally interpreted after 5 seconds of being dumb struck was that, Guard duty member was attacked and Tonks had been on duty this night and that meant she was attacked.

As soon as the thought created in his head he felt all the color from his face drain away. He was sure that had he been standing, his legs would have given away.

Attacked? God no! Why the hell was Patronus was so _cryptic?_ It was clear though, the message was so vague for the Order's benefit, to maintain secrecy. His head was flashing with wild image of Tonks hurt, her body lying on floor, broken and bloodied... _Lifeless_...No!

Message mentioned _'St. Mungo's'_ surely that meant that Tonks was alive... _'was alive'_ the words were enough to make him nauseous.

No, no, nothing could happen to her, no nothing. He had seen her just few hours ago, and she had kissed him goodbye, accompanied by a _'I love you'_, surely it wasn't her last goodbye, surely it was not for the last time he saw her alive?

He swung his legs from bed, he sat on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands. He forced himself to take a deep breath. He needed to do something, anything for her. He had to know, and for that he had to think.

He thought again, trying to calm his frantic nerves and trying to banish images of Tonks flashing through his eyes. According to Kingsley, she is in St. Mungo's, and he was probably with her, seeing as that he was her fellow auror. It helped him a bit to know that at least Tonks wasn't alone, she had a member of Order and friend with her. But if she was in Mungo's, that meant, that it was serious, otherwise why not treat her at the Ministry infirmary?

Kingsley had said to _'stay put.'_ How can he? Merlin knew, what state _his_ Dora would be in, he had to be with her.

He immediately got up to dress but a thought crashed his mind. Surely others Ministry official must also be with her. What would they interpret when they would see Dumbledore's man in proximity with their Auror? He couldn't even say he was a friend, because how can an Auror be friends with werewolf? Besides, how will he explain that he had got the news of her attack? He would be endangering her career as well as Order.

God, sometimes he hated how duty bound he was!

_Now is not the time._ He forced himself to calm down, to try not to think of Tonks in pain. God she hated hospitals. But she was the tough one. She was an Auror, she was clumsy and broke more bones in one day than an average man would in their entire life. She could face it, whatever it was, she will fight.

Try as he might, he couldn't help but think that this was what he had feared. As soon as someone got close to him, they were snatched away from him.

He fisted his hands in his hair and gave a cry of frustration, started pacing. He was going mad. Not knowing how she was, was _killing_ him, and he like an useless person couldn't do anything. Message had said _'contact soon.'_ Merlin, soon couldn't come soon enough.

_God, please let her be okay, please let her be fine. Hurt me instead, but please spare her please. Dora, my love..._

He decided to go to Grimmauld place, there might be any other order member whom he could ask to, Sirius might know something. Without further thought, he hurriedly donned his trousers and shirt, took his wand and hurried towards door. He almost ran to the door, and threw it open. But what he saw filled him with overwhelming relief and suspicions at once. There she was, standing on his doorstep about to knock. He stared at her open mouth for full 2 seconds, before he took her in his arms, in the largest and tightest hug of his life. He engulfed her as much as he can and felt her hugging back with same fervor, he buried his face in her neck and hair, taking deep breaths to calm himself. He was only aware about that she was fine. He swallowed the lump in his throat.

_Just one last thing, I need to confirm._

He reluctantly pulled away. He poised his wand in front of her.

"What were the last words Nymphadora Tonks said to me?"

She firstly drew her eyebrows in confusion, but then realization dawned on her.

"No need to ask question, I will show you." and with that she changed her hairs from deep purple to deep green. Only she could morph, no amount of polyjuice will be able to duplicate her abilities. He finally allowed himself to breathe. He pulled her in, hurriedly closed the door, placing wards on it.

When he turned back to her, he took a good luck at her. He frantically searched with his hand for any injury on her head, hand, shoulder making sure she was fine. She seemed physically fine but her face said something else. She was trying to control her tears, biting her lips, and there were old tears tracks on her cheek. He cupped her face with both his hands and willed her to look at him.

"Nymphadora, what is it? Kingsley said guard duty member was attacked-"

She broke down in sobs and she lunged at him, burying her face in his neck. He held her tightly, rubbing her back and stroking her hairs to calm her. Now that she was here, in one piece, he could think properly. She was fine, but something else wasn't.

"Tell me, love, what happened?" he whispered in her ear, fearing what answer he would get.

She looked up and amidst sobs and hiccups tried to tell him.

"It's- it's A-a-rthur, he was attacked on duty, by..by you-know-who's s-s-snake."

His heart sank. Arthur? And Voldemort's snake, that giant snake.

"How's-how's he?"

"He is _not good_ Remus, he is at St. Mungo's, Molly is with him. I couldn't see them but Kingsley told me. God, it's so horrible, he told me, it's not yet confirmed if-if-if he would l-l-live." she once again hugged him and sobbed , Arthur hurt, if anything happened to him what would happen to Molly and those seven kids of his? He with jolt remembered Molly's boggart. Will it come true? Were her fears going to be realized?

God, no, please let him be fine.

"It-it- feels like he took my death-my trouble on his head." said Tonks in a voice filled with guilt, muffled by his shoulder. Yes, that was what nagging him in his mind. He pulled away from her and guided her up to his sofa, made her sit and he himself knelt in front of her. He offered her a glass of water and she drank it in few gulps that seemed to calm her a bit. He then cupped her face, wiped of her tears with his thumbs and placed a soothing, chaste kiss on her lips.

"Tonks, calm down, tell me from starting what happened? Kingsley told me guard member was attacked, I thought it was you and I was terrified." he said quietly.

She took a deep breath and willed herself to speak.

"Today, when only 15 minutes were left for my duty, I was on my way to Department of mysteries, when Scrimegeour cornered me, he said that he needed me in 15 minutes to accompany two more Aurors on a raid, immediately, it was urgent order. In that span of time, I couldn't call any other member of Order, so I went to Arthur, he was just getting ready to go home, but when I told him that I won't be able to cover for duty, he readily agreed. I, well, then went to raid from there, it was fruitless, but when I returned after two hours, I found Kingsley looking all pale and frantic, he was on his way to Mungo's, and then he told me everything. He said something about Harry alerting others, I couldn't quite understand, all that was playing into my mind was that it was supposed to be me. He then told me to stay on guard and that may be Dumbledore will contact us soon. I came here as soon as I could. Remus, I feel so horrible, that man is hanging between life and death, where _I_ was supposed to be."

At her words he leapt, and hugged her quivering form to his chest. It was true that he was terrified for Arthur, but he was also utterly relieved that she was fine.

"It's not your fault."

"I know Remus, I know, I couldn't have known but still, I feel like Arthur took the blow for me. What if anything happened to him? I would never be able to look into Molly's eyes." He kissed her top of head and caressed her back. He of all people understood the feeling of guilt and helplessness. Slowly, her sobs subsided, yet he didn't relinquished his hold on her. Harry informing them puzzled him. He hoped they will get to know whole story once everything settles.

He held her for what seemed like ages. And they waited. Waited with bated breath for news of their friend, all the while praying to whatever God would listen, to keep Arthur safe.

After what felt like eternity, a patronus arrived and they both looked at it while holding their breaths.

Kingsley's voice broke through the silence. "He is fine. Out of danger."

They both released the breaths they were holding.

"Thank god! Thank god." Tonks kept whispering and he hugged her with all the strength he could muster. She was fine, Arthur was going to be fine. He pulled her on to lap and kissed her for all he was worth. Burying his hands in her hairs, pulling her closer.

"I was terrified when I thought it was you who was attacked." he mumbled near her lips. "I was going mad with worry. I love you so much. _My Dora_." He tried to put as much as emotions as he could in his eyes and gestures to show her, how glad he was to see that she was fine.

She gave him a watery smile and hugged him, allowing him to pull her to his chest.

"And I love _you. My Remus_."

They stayed like that for few minutes. Only their breathing and rustle of leaves outside window broke into the silence. He occasionally kept kissing her on face and wondering if he could love her anymore than he already did. He took all the comfort he could in her warmth.

They were suddenly startled by a tap on the window. It was Mad-Eye's owl, because only his owl had two different colored eyes just like its owner. He got up and tried to untie the letter from its leg, but was pecked by. It was exclusively for Tonks. The owl was as paranoid as its owner.

"What it says?" he inquired when she took the letter and was done reading.

"He says that the Weasley kids and Harry are at Grimmauld with Sirius and that he and I will be escorting them to Mungo's tomorrow to see Arthur. And, well, _constant vigilance_."

"Kids are there? Already? That was fast! At least Sirius will be happy to have Harry for Christmas. Come on, let's go to sleep, we both are tired." he wondered that not only physical but also emotional weariness was overtaking. He put an arm around her shoulder and guided to bedroom. She took off her Auror robes, transfigured her jeans in to pajamas and borrowed his brown sweater for top. He too changed into his sleeping cloths.

When they both got in, Tonks crawled to his side immediately. He finally breathed freely to have her in his arms. Now that she was back, he could feel color coming back to his face as well as his world. His world was now incomplete without her.

"Remus, the war has started..." she said quietly, after few minutes of silence and he couldn't agree more. Even though war had not began openly, there were underlying incidents indicating that worse was coming. First war had taken away all from him that he had cherished, what disasters this war will bring? What he would have done if it was Tonks instead of Arthur? She just escaped the attack by some work of fate.

He sighed. "Nymphadora, just whatever you do, be safe, just, always come back to me. I don't know what I will do, If something happened to you."

He had almost challenged his fate by accepting love from a woman when his history was proof of how much his life was disaster in matter of friends and family.

"You too Remus, you too..."

* * *

"I wish we had a Christmas tree here." Tonks whined, while they were drinking mulled wine, snuggled into him on the sofa in front of fireplace, a blanket wrapped around them. Since Grimmauld Place was filled with kids, they decided to spend nights at his place.

"Who says you haven't?" he said, a little smugly, pulling his wand and summoning her gift, that he had made for her.

It was a miniature pink Christmas tree. It was cheap seeing that he had made it all by himself. He had to do a little hard work in searching the right tree, he had found it in near woods, about 12 inches. It wasn't exactly a tree but branch of a tree which looked like a tree. He had used a 'charms' book of his father to charm the tree permanently pink, planted in a small pot, which was charmed red. Then he had decorated the tree from bee ornaments, seeing that she loved bees. He had carved these ornaments from odd piece of metals he had found in attic of the cottage. His father had been interested in carving and had made sure to teach him basics about carving by magic. He had took the help of his father's book again to carve them as per her taste. Pink and yellow really complemented each other. Though had he been rich he would have loved to pamper her with some expensive jewellery or something, but it will have to do for now.

"_Aw_ Remus it's so lovely." she looked mesmerized. "You made this by yourself?" she asked wide eyed.

"Mostly." he said, though a bit nervously. "You liked it? I am sorry, it's not much-"

"Don't be ridiculous Remus, it's _too_ much, I mean, You made it yourself, anyone can buy gifts from a shop or something but no one has ever gone to this much trouble for me."

"Its no trouble, it's least I could do for you, after, all the love and care you have brought into my life." he took her hand in his and kissed her knuckles. "I love you, Dora."

"And I love _you_, Remus." she beamed at him with shining eyes and love for the entire world to see. He conjured mistletoe, just above their heads, not that they needed an excuse to kiss, but just for the sake of tradition. He had always wanted to kiss the woman of his dreams under the mistletoe. They both leaned forward at the same time and halfway their lips met. She took a shuddering breath and he pulled her more snugly against him. She managed to put her hands beneath his collar on his skin, caressing him lovingly while his own hands were under her shirt on her bare waist. Skin against skin produced most wonderful sensations. He loved being this close to her. She was so intoxicating he felt like drinking all of her, within him, by each caress, each stroke, each kiss. The little voices she made, light moans and whimpers, only made him want her more. He pulled from her reluctantly before he got carried away. Her cheeks were flushed glorious pink and she was breathing heavily. She clambered off a bit from his lap, but still close.

"I also got something for you." she too summoned her present and he waited anxiously as to what it would be.

"Well, I debated with myself for a long time whether I should give it or not, since it seems a bit childish, but then I just said to you that anyone can get ready made gifts but handmade shows that how special you are, even though they are not much-"

He successfully halted her babbling by giving a quick kiss on her lips.

"Stop rambling, Nymphadora, give it to me."

She handed it to them a bit hesitantly. This was really thin almost as thing as a page, wrapped in a bright pink paper with red stars, he very carefully unwrapped it, as it seemed a bit delicate. They were three pieces of cardboard. First was what looked like Gryffindor mini banner, with gold and red, it was attached to a tiny ribbon. Another had a detailed drawing of a phoenix and next was what seemed like A wolf, stag, rat and a dog combined. Now that he looked closely, he realized they were bookmarks. Before he could even give second glances to them, she started to ramble, again.

"They are bookmarks, three bookmarks, I made them by myself, I have seen how much you love to read and how much you love your books and I always notice the way you furrow your brow in distaste whenever you have to dog ear your pages, as if you are insulting the book by wrinkling it pages, so I made these to help. They are charmed, you just have to place it in a book anywhere and they will automatically place themselves on the page you last left, say if you close the book in hurry or something. You liked it?" she whispered the last part and when he looked up at her she looked as if she really was regretting giving it to him. That was the last thing he wanted. He hastily cradled her face in his hands and gave her a kiss on forehead. He was surprised. No one has ever noted so little details regarding him that he disliked dog-earing the pages of his books. Moreover, he was a bit worried that she might gift him something flashy or expensive which will only make realize him further that he couldn't return the favor. Her gift though might seem insignificant to others, to him it was the most thoughtful gift and it just showed how well she knew him.

"It's very thoughtful Nymphadora, I completely adore them." he gave her what he hoped was a reassuring smile.

"Really? Well I am glad. You see these are things that have most impact in your life. Like, you are a Gryffindor by heart, then this phoenix symbolizes the Order, you have been member to both and then this one is your friends who turned animagus for you. I am sorry I also showed a rat, but I guess he was your friend when at the age of 12 he decided he too wanted to help you. I hope you don't mind." she said again a bit nervously. He noticed how she had skipped taking 'peter's' name.

"It's alright. I understand, I don't know when he changed, may be when we graduated or after joining the order, but a 12 year boy cannot be so malicious at heart. He still agreed to help me by becoming an animagus." he said calmly. She really had thought about this. Anyways, no need of remembering a traitor on such a beautiful day. "Though there should also be something that symbolizes you because at the moment _you_ have the most powerful impact on me and my life."

She beamed in response.

"There's also an attachment with my gift, though." She spoke, once again chirpily and took out a rather large package from under the sofa. He was quite surprised that she had been keeping the gift under it and he hardly took the notice. Though what surprised him more was the size of package.

"You call this _attachment_? or is this the actual gift?"

"Of course not! Your gift, are those bookmarks but I can't actually give you bookmarks without giving you books to mark, now, can I?" She waggled her brows suggestively.

He took the package from her, tore the wrapping to see a set of rather renowned book (and much wanted and desired by him) on Defense against Dark arts.

"Don't worry they are second hand, much cheaper." She spoke, and therefore elevating his worries about that she had got him some expensive gift.

"Thank you so much. This completes my collection, though however old and tattered my collection of books is, these books are probably in best condition." He then proceeded, placing each bookmark in each book, keeping it next to the Christmas tree. The area around the sofa almost looked like his perfect little world. He resisted the urge to _aww, _out of giddiness.

"Merry Christmas Reemusss." She said with lots of enthusiasm and ended up throwing herself at him, where he proceeded to celebrate one of the best Christmas of his life.

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_A:N/ Please do review! Also if there are any mistakes or any grammatical error please PM me or tell me in your review. English is not my first language, so I am bound to make mistakes._

_Thank you to all those who took time to review, favorite or follow the story._

_**remusdora**- Thanks for your support and enthusiasm :)_

_**saraell- I **always thought that they both got into actual relationship after Dumbledore's death (though my story contradicts it all though I would have loved if they were a couple in OoTP too). And yes you are right that it indeed seems like he died because he made it his first priority to protect his family which resulted in his inactivity **which blunted his duelling capabilities **. But what I was most glad about most was that J.K.R made it clear that he indeed loved Tonks almost as much as she loved him and that Tonks was his first love. I love some phrases from biography like '**seriously smitten' , 'elation that he was married to the woman of his dreams' , **etc. etc. In fact whole marriage and parenthood section._

_Also, loads of thanks to **Guest, ellieh804, danadanaBATMAN **for reviewing. :)_


	10. Valentine's Day gone wrong

_Harry Potter's not mine!_

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**_Valentine's Day Gone Wrong_**

"Remus, stop pacing, you are just wasting your energy."

Remus, ignored his friend Sirius as he has been doing for past 30 minutes and continued pacing. He couldn't sit quietly when Tonks' life statement was being written somewhere. He was waiting for news, just _any_ news that she is fine. Finally when he started feeling a bit dizzy from continued pacing, he took the chair next to Sirius.

"I just don't understand why they won't let me go and see her."

"Because, Moony, you are in league with Dumbledore. There will be people from her office, your being there won't do any good to her career as an Auror or to the Order. And besides, Kingsley and Mad-eye are there with her."

"I know." he sighed.

An Order meeting had been scheduled tonight. He and Sirius had been sitting in the kitchen, chatting idly when a disgruntled looking Emmeline had stumbled in the kitchen with shawl askew and pale faced. They have immediately caught that something was wrong. Then she had told them something that had left Remus feeling as if the ground beneath him has imploded.

Tonks had been on a surveillance duty tonight for Order near an old shed. They have got a tip off about Death Eater activity. The source of tip off was not too reliable therefore, they have not paid much attention to it, and instead of sending a pair, as usual, Tonks had volunteered to go alone, as it was a rare chance that anything would happen.

But apparently they were wrong. Emmeline told them that she had been ambushed by two Death Eaters, when Remus asked her more about Tonks' condition, she said she doesn't know except that it's quite _critical_. Then she had hurried out saying that Kingsley and Moody were with her, and that she needs to inform others.

Ever since, Remus and Sirius have been waiting for news anxiously. It was all so very suffocating for Remus that it pained him even to breathe. Just few days ago, on Christmas, he had got the same news that she was hurt. That time she had escaped the attack through some trick of fate but apparently she wasn't lucky enough this time.

It was Valentine's Day today. It had held never much importance for Remus, may be because he hardly had anyone to celebrate it with, even though he did had someone to celebrate it with this time, it didn't mattered much because he didn't need a day to express his love for Tonks. Tonks too, was not any believer in the day but she had told him that since she had someone this time to enjoy it, she wanted to. Therefore they had decided that after the meeting they would spend together an quiet evening somewhere.

And now his whole world was turned upside down.

Just when his back started getting uncomfortably warm due to heat emanating from fireplace behind him, they heard the front door opening. They both immediately sprang to their feet and met Kingsley in hallway.

"How's Tonks?" Remus breathed the question before Kingsley could even register his presence.

"She's fine now, Remus, let's move to kitchen to discuss." he whispered in the fear of waking Mrs. Black. Remus nearly fainted from relief on hearing this.

He sat on chair this time with distinct calm that he had been lacking for past hour. Now he was anxious to get more news about her and even more anxious to see her again.

"What happened Kingsley? And when can I- we can see her?"

Kingsley took a deep breath and exhaled it out slowly. He laced his fingers in front of the table. He was taking his sweet time and it was making Remus uneasy. Just when he was about to ask him again, Kingsley spoke.

"She made a _stupid_ mistake, Remus. Something, which is not expected from an Auror and an Order member. She acted on pure impulse, she is even lucky to be alive now."

Remus felt a bit defensive on behalf of Tonks. He furrowed his brow, clearly indicating his confusion. Beside him Sirius spoke with restless energy.

"What are you talking about, Kingsley?"

"Well, you know she was on surveillance duty tonight, right? Well, apparently, when she was there, waiting, she saw two Death Eaters enters the assigned spot. She told me later, that it was appearing from their stance as if they were waiting for something. And, then after five minutes, another Death Eater, apparated there, inside directly with some middle aged man. She stayed there and watched and what she gathered from it was that man had been brought for some questioning, because according to her he was looking death scared."

"Then what happened?" Sirius interrupted again, when Kingsley paused to breathe.

"Well, apparently that man didn't know much or maybe he was unwilling to tell. The Death Eaters started torturing him, the cruciatus curse and that's where Tonks made an idiotic mistake." Kingsley's tone showed anger at the end and Remus understood where this was going.

"She entered the place, in order to save the man, regardless of of strict orders from Dumbledore that we are only supposed to _watch_ and if something seems dodgy or wrong, we must first call for more back up and then act, but she in her hastiness, forgot all this, and entered there, where clearly she was outnumbered. She took one Death Eater by surprise and stunned him from behind. This gave a distraction to the man being tortured and he apparated right away, but then she was left to struggle with two Death Eaters and apparently one of them was-"

"Bellatrix Lestrange" Remus whispered with a fright that traveled down his spine on the idea of face to face with that evil woman.

"Yes." Kingsley confirmed gravely."But then, how did she escape? How did you found Tonks?" Sirius inquired.

"Well, you see, that area had been apparently reported to witness some Death Eater activities. I don't know how we missed this. But maybe they have been using the place for past one-two times. And that place was already under watch of Ministry. Which means that in case any Unforgivable performed in that area, the ministry will be alerted immediately."

"But then why didn't you or Mad-eye knew about it, when this mission was being assigned to Tonks?" Sirius asked with irritation etched on his face and all Remus could do was swallow and force himself to listen.

"You know how it is with Ministry these days, they don't want to bring any attention to the fact that suspicious activities are being reported, it was hushed up. But when alert came, by luck, I and Mad-eye were already there, and we immediately grew alarmed that Tonks was on the mission that time, we apparated right away with two-three aurors."

"Upon seeing as, The Death Eaters apparated before we could even blink but the damage was already done, Tonks was lying there unconscious."

"Where was she hurt?" Remus asked in a quiet voice. He had grown numb all over.

"Her arm, Remus, it's... in a _state_. Bellatrix, that-that- woman, blasted it off-"

Remus winced and felt a little sick at stomach.

"What?" Sirius replied, dumbstruck. "You mean, she lost-"

"No, no, her arm and hand is still intact" Kingsley continued gravely "but she caused alarming damage to it, apparently, her nerves ruptured, I don't know much in medical terms, but the healer said that had she been brought a little late..." he left the statement unfinished, and Remus was sure that he doesn't need to hear more about it.

"But she's fine now. When I came here, she had started to gain consciousness, Mad-eye asked me to come here and inform you people, and if everything goes fine, he will be bringing her in an hour here."

"She's really lucky, after the rash step she took. Bloody Bellatrix." Sirius shook his head as if unable to wrap his head around the whole idea.

Remus felt, that if he would move even an inch he would either end up throwing or thrashing the furniture. Therefore he remained still. He felt angry, very angry at Bellatrix for hurting his love and even angrier on said love for acting so ill-advisedly. He wasn't sure if he could face her right now, or she might have to face the wrath of his irrational or _may-be-rational_ anger.

Minutes ticked, and people started arriving. But he remained where he was. People threw apprehensive glances towards him, normally he would politely greet them, but today it was different, he needed to sort the turmoil and fury going inside him, before she arrived. Slowly, almost whole kitchen table was filled, they were discussing the latest attack on Tonks, and the atmosphere was abnormally tensed. They were waiting only for three people now, Alastor, Albus and Nymphadora.

After few minutes, the kitchen door creaked open and Remus heart skipped a beat even though he didn't raise his head. He heard, rather than seeing, Tonks, Mad-eye and Dumbledore sitting. Tonks sat across him after two seats, the only place empty for her. He wanted to look up, see her, reassure himself that she was fine and even convey the message to her that he was with her and was glad to have her back, but he didn't. He was afraid of what Tonks might see at that time in his eyes. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see, her left forearm, heavily bandaged, and he resisted the urge to cradle her hand in his arms. He could also see in his periphery, that her eyes were set on him, as if pleading him to look at her.

He ignored it.

Sirius startled him by placing a hand on Remus' shoulder. He jumped a little.

"You alright, mate?" he whispered in an uncharacteristically soft voice. He could only nod his head.

The meeting started and it was one of the most serious meetings of Order. Not a single chuckle, or joke or a crack on ministry. Dumbledore started with telling everyone what had happened with Tonks, and then all hell broke loose.

Everyone present on the table started admonishing and repremanding her, how it was so foolish of her to march right into Death Eaters without any back up, without any disguise and now the Death Eater will know that she is in order and also how she was lucky enough to be alive. Dumbledore with a grave expression, Moody with his furious and gruff voice telling her that he expected more brain from his own protégé, Molly tsked, Arthur, Sirius, Emmeline all with their share of chiding, even Snape sneered at her that young _children_ such as her without brain must not be allowed to be in Order. He felt offended on behalf of Tonks. Tonks was far from brainless but he kept quite because somewhere he did agreed with others if not with Snape. What surprised him more was that whole time, Tonks maintained her silence, the maximum she did was nod her head.

When meeting was over, slowly people started ticking by the door, no one stayed like every time they would after meeting. He has still not looked Tonks in the eye. When only Tonks, Sirius and he were remained at the table, he got up stiffly, and started preparing tea, just to do something. Sirius, unlike himself, has judged the tension and had kept his mouth shut.

Good.

Because he himself doesn't know how long can he control his flaring temper. He moved to pick up a tea cup when a fragile hand grabbed his rough ones.

"Here, let me help you." Tonks said in a weak voice, which he convinced himself is because of her physical injury.

He pulled away his hand as firmly and gently he could, without looking her in the eye. He had wished that she would ignore him today.

"I think you have caused enough trouble for today." words escaped his mouth before he could stop. Out of corner of his eye, he saw Sirius straightening up and he heard Tonks' sharp intake of breath.

"Why are you saying so?" she asked whispering.

"Really? You need to ask me?" he spat at her angrily. "Today because of your STUPIDITY I almost lost the person I love most in the world." he said accusingly and tried to keep away the edge off his voice but he failed miserably. He could feel his voice and temper rising.

Because that's what he does when he gets scared out of his wits about something- he channelizes everything into his anger.

"Nymphadora I think it would be better that we talk tomorrow. I don't want to say something that I am bound to regret later." with that he turned his head abruptly and busied himself in tea. For a few moments everything was quiet but his blood was boiling just like the water in the kettle. He would almost give anything to throttle Bellatrix for causing so much agony to Tonks.

Tonks, as stubborn as she was, instead of doing as he had said, moved forward and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Remus, I am fine now. No harm done. And I am an Auror-"

_CRASH!_

He had thrown the teacup he was unnecessarily holding in his hand, on the floor. And it startled the hell out of Tonks. He knew she has never seen him so angry. His chest was heaving with effort to calm himself down.

"That's your problem Tonks. For you, every dangerous situation starts with _'I am an Auror'_ and every dangerous situation ends with _'I am an Auror'_. For how long have you been an Auror, Tonks? Two years? And how many Death Eaters have captured singlehandedly, Tonks? Just because you have been trained under Alastor Moody, doesn't make you Alastor Moody! Or just because you ever captured some petty thieves doesn't mean you could handle Death Eaters, _all on your own_. Even Moody would not have acted the way you did today! And you weren't in disguise. Now that maniac woman probably knows that you are in the order. More reason for her to target you! "he snapped angrily at her. He hardly ever snapped at anybody, because, for people it was always easy to blame his behavior on his affliction, therefore, he mostly remain as calm as could. Therefore, there was part of him that was nagging him that of all the people to snap at, he had chosen the woman he loved.

But once he started, it seemed that all rational part of his mind has gone to mow grass.

She had paled at his comment and was staring at him wide eyed and even Sirius was as rigid as he could be.

"What do you know about Bellatrix?" he asked her pointedly but never gave her time to answer. "We were there at first war, and we saw her wrath first hand. She is a heartless woman. She killed people with such ease as if it deciding what to have in breakfast. She killed our friends and tortured them. What age were you of at that time? You would have probably been eight. A MERE CHILD!"

"Remus-" Sirius interrupted, warning in his tone.

"Shut up Sirius!" he shot back at him. "You are the one cooped up in this house, yet even you, the rash and arrogant Sirius Black-"

"Hey-" Sirius tried to interrupt indignantly.

"-are not so stupid as to jump in the hide of Death Eaters."

"Could you please tell us _Auror Tonks_, as to why didn't you called any one of us via patronus, if you were so adamant to save that person's life?"

For a moment she just stood there, but then she swallowed and spoke in a voice so low that he could hardly hear.

"Patronus- it's... It's bright... It would have given me away at... Such dark place."

"And your _jumping_ there, didn't gave you away?" he questioned her sarcastically, but she won't meet his eyes anymore.

"How did you know, the man they were torturing weren't one of them? Death Eaters aren't exactly one for friendships, they won't hesitate to turn against their own! You were extremely lucky, that, that area was under surveillance and Mad-eye and Kingsley acted fast, or you wouldn't have come alive out of it. It's about time you _grew up_ Tonks!"

They stood there, for what felt like ages but in reality, only about few seconds. The only thing that disturbed the night was his harsh breathing, crackling of fire and Kreacher muttering from somewhere up.

A sniffle startled him out of his reverie. He looked at her, and saw her pale face shimmering with flow of tears; she hardly made any noise except for occasional sniffle.

"Tonks-" Sirius started.

"Go home Tonks." but he interrupted him. His voice was lower than before but wasn't devoid of the edge. He turned his back to her.

This time, she did listen to him. He heard her hurried footsteps, once stumbling near the door and then slamming the front door.

For a moment he just kept staring at the opposite wall. He knew, after his anger will fade, that he will be disgusted with himself for the way he had talked to her. He resumed his place on the chair and placed his head in his hand. He saw a little movement from Sirius' side.

"Don't Sirius!"

"What? _What_ did I do?"

"Whatever it is you are planning to say, don't."

Sirius shrugged and went back to sulking.

But, after few moments Remus felt a tingle all over his body. And he felt- he won't say _happy_ but he felt less upset, all of a sudden.

"What did you do, Black?" he asked Sirius suspiciously.

"Two cheering charms." he replied placing back his wand, without even bothering to look at him.

"That was uncalled for."

"And what you just did was uncalled _too_!"

He sighed, now that cheering charm was taking place, his anger has faded a little. He felt a headache coming.

"Listen Remus, I have no intention of interfering in _Lover's quarrel_-" Remus made a choking sound "-but there are few things, I think you should know."

"What? That _'you hurt her, I break your neck'_ elder brother speech?"

"No! I wasn't a much of a big cousin to her or a friend to you or a godfather to Harry when I was sitting in Azkaban for past 12 years, was I? I merely wish to state an observation about you two."

"Go ahead."

"Today, all that you have said to her, you have just preyed on her every insecurity." he said solemnly, without any trace of humor.

That got Remus' attention. "What? What insecurity?"

Sirius sighed exasperatedly as if he had been given a daunting task of explaining something to a child.

"You are always on about that how you are unsuitable for her, how you are a werewolf, and dangerous and poor?"

"That I am."

"Don't interrupt in between." Sirius snapped. "Anyways, I was saying, you are so busy in wallowing in your own squalor, that it went unnoticed by you that may be she is posing similar insecurities."

"What, that even she thinks that I am unsuitable for her?" Remus asked worriedly. It wasn't a comforting thought."

"No, you dumb-head! Just like you have some qualms about yourself, she has too. She thinks she is not enough for you."

Remus frowned. He didn't like wherever this conversation was going.

"She feels that you are settling for less. She sees as you this intelligent, brilliant, _professorial_ person, who has _this_ reputation about him among his peers, where everyone listens to you with respect-" '_never thought I would be complementing you this way_, he mumbled under his breath' -"but Merlin knows we all feel so about you. Everyone in the Order may be with exception to Snivellus, but we all, even the kids look after you for guidance. You are this voice of reason for us. The calm and intelligent Remus Lupin. You are this impromptu leader of the Order after Dumbledore."

"As much as I appreciate your feelings about me, Black, what does this all has to do with-" he made a hand gesture pointing towards the door, from where Tonks had stumbled earlier.

Sirius also knew that Remus didn't believe half of things he was telling him. But anyway, he had to try.

"Yes. Now she feels, that, in front of you, she's just some newbie. She also sees you as her senior but she doesn't measures the seniority in terms of age but in terms of experience. There's love between you two, but she respects you too for your behavior. She thinks that she is just some pink haired, silly novice, with far less knowledge than you in any aspect of life. She feels she's not the type of girl, a man like you, could take her to meet his parents with pride. And all that you just said to her Mr. Lupin, must have caused her every insecurity, float to surface."

Remus rubbed his forehead with his palm. He raked his hands through his hair, and then tugged the hair at the nape of his neck with one hand. It was too much information to take in one day. He slowly took a deep breath in and then let it out slowly.

"Don't you think... " he started slowly and deliberately "I would have known about it, if she felt the same way? She's _my_ girlfriend."

He was still adamant to believe that it was all figment of Sirius' imagination.

"As I said, you are so busy of thinking how you are unworthy of her that you hardly notice that she might be harboring same ideas. Just like you think that her insecurities are rubbish, she thinks too, that your feelings, that you are old poor and dangerous is rubbish too."

"She said all this to you?" he asked skeptically. Some how her taking suggestion from Sirius wasn't a very comforting thought.

"Not in exact terms, no. Never directly, but she would often make some side comments absently or even in front _you_, but you always shook it off as joke. But that's what Tonks do. She _jokes_. But under that humorous layer, there are things needed to be observed."

"When did you become so observant?"

"It's not like I have some better work to do. All I can do is observe. I observe the fungus on elf heads down the hall, I observe how Ginny sneaks glances towards Harry, I observe how Ron and Hermione banter with each other, I observe the pattern of Dumbledore's robes, and then I also observe that how you are wholly dedicated to Tonks, yet you think you are unworthy, I observe how Tonks is so compassionate towards you, yet she thinks you are settling for less." he said all this in a monotonous and sardonic tone as if reading from a book.

He shook his head. "I never thought, I would be taking _relationship_ advice from _you_."

"First time for everything."

"Yeah... And first time... I have talked to her like that..." Remus mumbled quietly.

"Frankly, I haven't seen you this angry since that Snape's incident in sixth year. Go to her, Moony. You know, or else neither will you sleep peacefully today nor will she."

He nodded."But, how?"

The prospect of even looking her in the eye was disheartening. Will she forgive him? Or had he messed up finally, everything?

"What face will I show to her?"

"The same one you have been wearing for past 52 years."

"I am 35! Will be 36 next month."

"Well you surely don't act like one soon-to-be-36-years-old."

* * *

For past two hours he had been tracing the wood pattern of the table. He knew, he was just stalling time. Even when the cheering charm had worn off, the anger had not returned. Now he felt bone deep regret and guilt.

_I think you have caused enough trouble for today-just because you ever captured some petty thieves doesn't mean you could handle Death Eaters-It's about time you grew up Tonks!" _

All that he had said kept reverberating in his head and he felt ashamed with every passing second.

The way he had talked to her...

For most part, he was scared and frightened of what she will do now. Will she be able to forgive him? Or had he done an irreparable damage? He sighed. Sitting here, won't help anyone. Sirius was right. Until he won't talk to her, he won't be able to sleep peacefully. And if what Sirius has said, (about her thinking that she was unsuitable for him), was true, then he will have hard time convincing her.

* * *

After 15 minutes of gathering courage he found himself standing in front of her door. He would have knocked the door, if there wasn't a possibility of her slamming the door in front of his face, therefore he simply unlocked it. Wards on her flat allowed entry only to Order members and her parents. He walked in quietly. The only source of light in her flat was light of half moon coming from her window.

Her rabbit came hopping towards him, when it saw him and started scratching his shoe. He had been at Tonks' flat a few times, and rabbit has come to recognize him. The odd thing was that her rabbit's name was _rabbit_. He bent down and patted rabbit on head lightly. Its fur was pure white and was gleaming in the moonlight.

"She is fine, is she?" he asked while scratching its head and it just simply licked his fingers. He got up and moved forward. Talking to a rabbit won't help matter. When he reached the doorway, he could make out her curled up into a ball, with back towards the door, sniffling and her shoulders were shaking.

He swallowed.

"Tonks?" he said quietly so as not to startle her. She did become still for a moment, otherwise there was no other response. He sat on edge of her bed and leaned forward.

"Dora.." he placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, half expecting her to shrug it away but she didn't. Instead she buried her face in pillow more prominently.

What should he say? I am sorry? I am sorry coming from the same mouth that had insulted her, sounded lame. He placed his other hand on her head, tucking her hairs behind her ears. Her injured arm was carefully laid on her side, only her fingers were peeking a little from the bandage. He caressed them a little.

"I am sorry. I know after what I said, sorry is not enough. I was horrible towards you. But, love, please understand, I was scared as hell after I got the news and it got converted into something ugly. I am-"

He stopped mid sentence because she had jerked away his hand from her shoulder, then winced because movement probably caused her pain and then _he_ winced because _she _had winced. He heard a muffled '_Go away'_ from where her lips should have been buried in the pillow.

He bowed his head in shame. What to do? He took off his shoes and laid down next to her, molding her body into his. He leaned forward and placed his cheek next to her's.

"Forgive me, Dora? Please?" he caressed side of her face with his lips. She still hasn't stopped crying. His attempts until now have failed miserably. "Please say something. Shout at me, slap me, curse me, but _please_ say something." he said sounding desperate. He hated seeing tears in her eyes.

"What for are you apologizing for? It's not as if you said something _wrong_. You were right. I am just a silly naive girl." she finally spoke. And as relieved as he was to hear her voice, even muffled, his heart further sank when he heard her words, realizing that Sirius was right.

He shook his head which was difficult as his head was on her's.

"Everything I said was untrue, horribly untrue. Only people I love with my life and heart can make me so angry, but it's no excuse, I made a mistake, I have hurt your feelings and I would do anything you want me to. As being silly naïve girl, you are far from it. My anger made me say things that I won't imagine in my dream. I hold you in high respect. I believe that you are wise beyond years. You are intelligent and beautiful and one hell of a duelist. You are wonderful, fierce and strong and brave. And you are my sweetheart." he kissed every inch of her face and neck that was visible and he could reach. He just wished that she could hear the sincerity in his words.

"I was angry because of Bellatrix. No scratch that. Angry won't even cover it. I was raging inside. That woman-"

This time again he stopped in mid sentence not because she had shrugged away his hand but had rather pried him away from herself and had sat on the bed straight. He mimicked her position and looked her in the eye with apologetic expression. Her whole face was red from crying, her hairs were sticking to her wet cheeks, her eyes were puffy and wet. He tried to touch her face but she pushed his hand away. He let it fall in his lap and tried to listen whatever she wanted to.

"You think I don't know who Bellatrix is? I might have been eight when she went to Azkaban, but no one knows her better than me. She's my _aunt_ in case you forgot. _Blood relation_." she almost spat the words 'aunt' and 'blood relation'.

He closed his eyes in realization. Of course she was her aunt. He so often forgets that she is a half Black. She is so kind and considerate that it is impossible to associate her to that maniac family.

"Convenient isn't it, to forget Remus?" she looked at her accusingly.

Then she continued in melancholic tone."I might have been six or seven. She tortured my mother, right in front of my eyes. We were defenseless. It didn't last long though, Mad-eye interrupted her process of teaching my mother what happens with blood traitors. Still, it had long lasting effect on my mind. I would have been her next target had Mad-eye not came at right time."

"Dora-"

"Let me complete Remus. Yes, today may be I made a mistake. But when I got my Auror status, I took an oath _to protect_. Even if in today's world, the oath is just a rubbish formality for corrupted officers, but not for me. Never for me. That was why I joined the Order. To fight. To protect." she took a deep breath and then continued.

"Today, when I entered there and when I started losing, you know what I thought?" her voice grew somber and quite. "I thought I was going to die, because there was pain such pain and blood... All over, _my_ blood. I knew my life was slipping. I tried to fight, but all in vain. I thought how my parents will feel when they would to be told that their daughter was killed by her own aunt, by my mother's sister. My last thought was... _You_. I thought, after everything has happened with you, _to you_, you won't be able to live if something happened to me. I knew that you have learned to love again, because of me, for me. I was scared that you will be left to identify bits of me after Bellatrix was done with me, you will be left alone _again_ and I wouldn't be able to do anything. I was scared that I won't be able to see you again." her voice grew quiet and he swallowed.

There was feeling of wretchedness in pit of his stomach. Her words fanned the flames of despair in his heart. He felt nauseated at the thought of her alone and struggling, thinking that it was last moment of her life. And at a time of such pain, she worried about _him_. He rubbed his face warily. His hands have gone cold.

"When I gained consciousness, I was in hospital. and that time, I just wanted to be with you. They wanted me to stay for a day for observation. But I won't have it. Mad-eye helped in my discharge to avoid fuss. When I reached headquarters, all I wanted was to hug you. But you won't even look at me. I listened to everyone and yet stayed quiet. I knew I have made a mistake."

"Your anger was justified. But timing was horrible. At that time, I was emotionally exhausted and vulnerable and I needed your warmth and comfort. But you chose exact that moment to go berserk."

"No what I said, was unacceptable and awful."

She just nodded and her eyes grew soft. The guilt grew into self-condemnation. _She was so sweet_. He had been horrible towards her yet she was ready to forgive him. He tentatively moved forward and hugged her seeing if she would push. She didn't and but didn't gave any response either. He buried his face in her neck.

"You are too forgiving. I am so sorry. I shouldn't have acted the way I did-"

"No, Remus, you are human, you have every right to be angry. I don't want you to control your emotions or bottle them up just so that I don't get hurt. At other time, I would have listened and would have waited for you to cool down. But as I said, I was feeling weak, and I needed you."

"You are too good to me."

"And you are too hard on yourself."

He lightly pressed his lips to her. Again the same reaction. She didn't push but didn't react either. He looked at her with confusion and question but _not_ accusation. She bit her lip and out of habit, he freed her lip from her teeth with his thumb.

"I am just overwhelmed right now and a little upset." she looked down.

"It's alright I understand, you have every right to be. What can I do for you?"

"Nothing, just go back home. I am fine."

"I am not leaving you. How's your hand?" he took her arm and cradled it to his chest. "Is it hurting?"

She shook her head. "They have numbed it. Don't feel much."

"Are you hungry? Have you eaten?" he asked, knowing full well her habit of escaping meals.

"I don't need to be fed Remus, I am fully capable." she still looked a little miffed.

"Of course you are. I just want to help. I will be back." he kissed her forehead with intention of cooking something for her.

* * *

After fifteen minutes, he had cooked decent pasta, with whatever meager ingredients were in her kitchen. Just as he was about to plate the pasta, he remembered something. Had everything gone right, today at the same time, they would have been having some nice dinner, celebrating Valentine's Day. Suddenly he got an idea. He took out his wand, enlarged the plate and assembled the pasta in a heart shape using both fork and wand. He then outlined the heart delicately with tomato sauce.

It was looking decent. He then conjured a red rose. It would have to do.

When he entered the room, she was lying on her back and staring at the ceiling. When she saw him entering she sat up, supporting herself with uninjured arm. He presented her the plate and rose with a bow.

"Happy Valentine's Day, m'lady."

When she looked at the plate, she smiled. It wasn't her usual, cheerful smile, but a smile nonetheless.

"Thank you. And Happy Valentine's Day to you too. I nearly forgot in this hassle."

He sat next to her took a bit of pasta in spoon and offered it to her.

"I can feed myself Remus."

"Yeah but your arm is currently out of order."

"I am not a left-y, Remus and you know it." she took the spoon from him.

"It was worth a try." he said and just watched her eating, more like, ravishing the pasta. The whole plate was empty nearly in ten minutes. She then leaned forward and pecked him on lips, something he wasn't excepting.

"Thank you, it was delicious."

He smiled at her for a moment, still a little nervous about how he had almost messed up everything, has broken the peace between them. He took her good arm and placed her palm directly above his heart.

"Next time, I do something like this, slap me across my face."

He made sure she took all her potions, given by healer. Within minutes, she was asleep. He was propped up on his elbow, stroking her head until she was sleeping peacefully. He will have to talk to her about whatever Sirius had told him. He will work on whatever doubts she was harboring in her heart. He lay down next to her, placing his hand on her stomach, mindful of her arm. She still was paler than usual, but she was _beautiful_. He kissed her temple and succumbed to sleep.

* * *

Next morning, she was bit subdued, so he waited for perfect opportunity to talk to her. She had got the day off due to injury and he was free from Order work, so they spent the day together in her flat. He helped her in her chores but watchful that he doesn't makes her feel invalid.

By evening she back to her cheerful self. He carefully broached the subject, Sirius had brought up. At first she was hesitant to answer but after little coaxing she opened up her heart for him to see, to known. He did his best to satisfy her that she was _perfect, _for him anyway. After about hour of discussion she finally looked as if a burden has been uplifted from her heart. He knew from personal experience that self-doubt takes time to vanish completely but he promised himself from now on he would do everything in his power to ensure her.

For now, he was content to be in arms of his beloved.

* * *

_Review?_

_After this chapter, there are two more to come, then there will be an epilogue! _


	11. Birthday Present

_I Do not own Harry Potter_

* * *

_**BIRTHDAY PRESENT**_

"Tonks, where are you taking me, not that I mind but meeting is about to start.."

Remus Lupin, tried to slow down his girlfriend, who had his wrist in a grip and was dragging him upstairs of Grimmauld Place, far from hustle and bustle of meeting.

"I need to give you your birthday present." she said and rolled her eyes as if it was the most obvious answer, which was not, because he wasn't aware that she knew of his birth date. In fact, he himself had forgotten that today was his birthday.

"How do you know-?"

"What? Just because you didn't told me, it doesn't mean I couldn't figure it out." she said as she pushed him into an empty room and took out her wand. For a moment he thought that she was going to hex him but then she locked and silenced the door.

He raised his eyebrows at her. Her eyes softened, she swiftly moved forward and engulfed him in a hug. "Happy birthday Remus." she whispered into his neck. For a moment, he just let himself enjoy her warmth and felt content in it. She looked up and gave him a loving kiss right on the lips, it was slow and sensuous and he wondered if _that_ was his birthday present.

He didn't mind.

"I have something to show you." and with that she pushed herself away from him, sat on edge of the bed and invited him to sit by her side. He went willingly and smiled adoringly at her, only for the smile to slip off his face when she started unbuttoning her shirt.

He gulped. When she said _'I have something to show you'_ surely, she didn't meant...?

Suddenly he felt a little hot under his collar as she flipped open her second button with a smirk on her face which indicated that she had a fair idea of what she was doing to him.

"What-what are you doing...?" he asked huskily before she reached her third button. It wasn't that he didn't wanted her. Merlin knew, she was the most beautiful thing ever happened to him and some days he wanted all of her: body, mind, soul, to himself. Sometimes it got too hard to control. But he had to. Because no matter how much he loved her, or she loved him, he was still unsure about their future, as to what it would hold for them. He wasn't sure, what turn the war would take, or what more appalling werewolf legislation will be formed and how all that will affect their relationship. Sometimes, he shuddered to think that, maybe, _maybe_ he would have to leave her.

Everything seemed fine and perfect when it was in the confines of four walls. They hardly have gone out on date or something as a couple. Even half of the order was unaware of their relationship. But what would happen once the word was out? Maybe order members will support him, but what about the society. Will it not look down upon Tonks for being in a relationship with a werewolf? What her parents will think? How will her ministry colleagues will react? For now she was content to keep everything in the secret but surely she would want to declare it to the world. God knew, she deserved it, and he wanted it too, to tell everyone that Nymphadora Tonks was his girlfriend or his fiance or his wife... She was _not_ his some dirty little secret to be kept hidden in the dark. He loved her, she deserved to be honored. But will she be ever able to declare to the world with pride that Remus Lupin was her partner and yet not receive disapproval from the world?

These thoughts often made him doubt about their future. And it was with this notion that he avoided extreme physical intimacy. Because, he wasn't the type of man to make love to his girlfriend only to leave her. Because if even for a fleeting second, Tonks thought that he had used her, he won't ever be able to forgive himself and will loathe himself more than ever. She probably thought that he didn't want to get too far because he was a gentleman.

"Relax old man." Tonks said mockingly, bringing him back to present, her hand still on her third button. "It's not what you think." she winked at him and opened her third button anyway.

He tried looking away but failed miserably, as she pushed her shirt off her left shoulder, revealing creamy expanse of skin of her shoulder and above her breast.

He swallowed and looked more properly, just as he was pondering what it was that she wanted him to see, when he saw _it_.

And sucked in a shocked breath.

Just above the outline of her red bra, directly above where her heart would be was written _Remus_ in black ink in an artful design.

She had got a tattoo. Of _his_ _name_.

He was momentarily stunned and swallowed, took deep breaths and cleared his throat to gain composure. He leaned forward and looked closely at it, his earlier hesitation and timidness forgotten. The skin near the tattoo was red and inflamed which made him wince a little. It must have hurt like hell. The flesh was risen a bit where letters were written.

He looked incredulously at her."What have you done?" his voice came so tight as if someone was strangling his neck.

Her smile faltered a bit. "I wanted to give you something for your birthday. I knew you would cause a fuss if I tried to give you some gift so I instead got _myself_ something. It's permanent."

"I guessed as much." just when he was thinking that there relationship might not be a permanent one, she had gone and inked his name on herself. Something that would never leave her skin, it would always be there even if she morphed it.

"When did you get it done?"

"Today at my lunch break."

"So that's where you were?" he asked thinking as usually she comes to meet him in her lunch break.

She nods her assent and he looked back at her tattoo. He touched one shaky finger to it, caressing his name, it felt as if someone had written with too much force on a paper, he makes a face which she noticed.

"Are you.. Are you angry?" she asked tentatively, but he doesn't answered her straight away.

"It must have hurt?"

"A bit. Don't you like it?" He finally looked up from his inspection of the tattoo and into her eyes. "It's not that I don't like it Nymphadora. It's... it's a very moving gesture, but you have gone into _too_ much of trouble for me. I don't like seeing you hurt." he looked back at the inflamed skin. "See, your skin is too much soft here." he said though he avoided the real issue.

"Oh silly, it was nothing." she tried to soothe him.

"But, _why?_ I mean..." he didn't knew how to say it "It's permanent.. What if in future..." he trailed off, avoiding her gaze thinking that he was likely to offend her.

"What if in future I found _someone else_? What if in future I got _bored from you_?" she all but spat the last words and he winced. That's not what he had meant. Merlin he messes up with everything. "You don't trust me or my love, you really don't!"

But Remus was already shaking his head vehemently before she had even finished speaking.

"No, no, no, Dora, of course not. God I am sorry, I didn't meant it like that-" he lean forward and placed a chaste yet powerful kiss on her lips. "I didn't meant to sound like an ungrateful git, what you have done for me, _this_, is more than anyone has ever done for my sake, with exception of marauders of course who learned to be animagus for me. You have _shocked_ me into oblivion, if I gave you a impression that I was being unappreciative then I am so so sorry, love, that's not what I meant."

She looked a little unconvinced and he cursed himself for causing her doubt. Finally after few moments silence she asked quietly. "What did you meant then Remus? Are you planning on leaving me?"

He shook his head, trying not to seem guilty, because he was not planning on leaving her, he was just thinking if the future circumstances turned against them... Right?

"What I meant was that, we don't know what future would hold.. What if... What if I died? It's war after all."

She winced. "Great Remus! Of all the things to talk about on your _birthday_, you are talking about your _death_! Well, if you did die, this tattoo will remain as a prized possession to me, my personal memento. I feel honored you know, to have _your_ name engraved upon me." she looked so sincere and innocent that he would have all but _'awwed'_ over her. She really thought so high of him.

He decided to let it drop. What was done was done, and as he said earlier, he didn't wanted to sound ungrateful. And it wasn't that he didn't liked it. He liked it more than he cared to admit. He felt touched and was deeply moved. Her this action has invoked something much deeper in his soul. He felt so loved that someone like Tonks would want to make him a permanent part in their life. She never ceased to amaze him.

"I don't know what I did to get landed with you." he shook his head in disbelief.

"I suppose you just got lucky." she gave him a wry smile. He shook his head again. A werewolf never gets _just_ lucky in his life.

"Have I told you today that how much I love you and adore you?"

"Even if you didn't, I already know."

"Thank you, Dora, really Thank you." he said trying to show all his sincerity while looking in her eyes and was rewarded with her smile, which was devoid of uncertainty.

He leaned forward, before he could lose his nerve, slightly towards her exposed skin, and hesitantly traced the red inflamed skin near her tattoo with tip of his tongue. He felt rather than heard, her sharp intake of breath. His own breathing was ragged. He then blew cool air over the wet skin which caused her to shiver. He then looked and asked huskily, "Better?"

"Much." she whispered back. Then to avoid all temptation, he righted back her shirt, buttoned all the three button, but not before he kissed hollow of her throat.

"You have upped the ante, now I will have to come up with something equally brave and daring." he said with a teasing glint in his eyes, trying to lighten the atmosphere.

"You know that you don't need to do anything for me except just keep loving me unconditionally. That's more than enough and more than I could ask for." she said earnestly, gazing lovingly into his eyes.

"That's something, you _never_, _ever_, need to ask, it's come naturally to me.. loving you. I would give myself willingly to you." he replied and pulled her onto his lap, trying to prove it through his actions.

* * *

_**Saraell** and **remusdora**- I started this fic with intention of keeping it short but I didn't realized when it turned so long. Anyways, it was my first multi chaptered fic and I learned many things, I want to finish this as soon as I can so that I can concentrate on other new fic which I will try would be better than this and moreover not many people are reading this one but I promised myself that I will finish every fic I write even if one person was reading it._

_**remusdora**- you requested a birthday chapter for my fic **snippets**, I never wrote it there because I had planned this one here. So hope you like it._

_Also thanks to **danadanaBATMAN**, **Guest**, **jesstlupin **_


	12. Goodbye Padfoot

_Here's the last chapter..._

_I do not own Harry Potter._

* * *

**_Goodbye Padfoot_**

Sirius Black was dead.

And there was no chance in hell that he was coming back this time.

He had lost his friend _again_.

This time to death; and he had managed to get himself killed in the most unique way- through the veil.

Where Padfoot would be now? Would he be hanging in between, somewhere in limbo, because he could go no further seeing as he has left his godson behind, his friend behind?

Or was he somewhere in peace, where they say good people go after they die, in heaven probably…

Can Padfoot see him right now? Can he see him sitting here alone in _his_ room clutching his head in his hands? Waiting for tears to come? Tears would come... Once shock wore off...

Or was he somewhere here, standing next to him, maybe? The only difference was that he can't see him now. Remus looked up, searched here and there as if expecting to see some translucent figure or some odd movement that may indicate his now dead friend's presence.

_No, no, _Sirius would never want to come back _here_ of all places. Maybe he would be next to Harry, watching helplessly his godson grieving...

He was gone, and he hadn't even got the chance to fully mend their friendship that was hindered by war last time.

He looked at the sky, out of the window. Or was Sirius there up somewhere, with James and Lily? Celebrating their re-union...

He shook his head. It didn't matter where he was now. Because Sirius Black was _dead_.

It's as simple as that.

And Remus Lupin was left behind. _Again_.

The only difference was that this time he had someone to share it with. But even that person was in hospital, god knows, what number of potions were being shoved down her throat right now, to which she would have made number of faces had she been conscious.

He nearly had a fit when he had seen her lying... _Broken_... On the stairs in department of mysteries, blood coloring her pink hairs, red. Come to think of it, this year it had happened _so_ many times that he had thought she was in mortal danger. He had wanted to run to her, see to her but there was a battle going on, and it was the first rule of battle. If your companion is injured, fight more hard so it can finish soon, as soon as it would finish, you will be able to help your companion. So he had fought with new vigor.

He had barely come over shock of her being hurt when he had received another blow, when he saw Sirius falling through the veil. It had took all his strength not to follow him, and just as he had saw Harry running towards him...

_Oh Harry._

Fate always took people away from Harry, just like him.

Sirius's face, will always haunt him, his expression that showed shock and fear has been imprint behind his eyelids. He doesn't wanted to blink in fear of seeing his now dead friend's face.

Oh Padfoot, you fool… _why_? Why, did you have to duel just next to the veil?

Remus looked up the wall, where a photo of marauders was placed by permanent sticking charm. He got up and traced the borders of the photo. They all looked so happy. And they are all dead, except Peter, who is as good as dead. Staring into Sirius' and Jame's face, something shifted in his heart and a lone tear slipped from his eyes.

He needs Dora. He has deliberately left her side at hospital, intentionally taken the coward's way because he hasn't wanted to answer her questions once she was awake. He had wanted to transfer that daunting task of telling that her cousin was dead, to Mad-eye.

She probably was awake by now… someone must have told her about Sirius… she must be crying alone for her cousin a.k.a _uncle padfoot_ in that dreary hospital…

He wiped his tears hastily. It wasn't time to mope alone. She needed him and he needed her. Isn't that was what people who care about each other do? Be there for each other in time of hardship, share each other's grief. At least he was remotely lucky this time. Last time he didn't even had a shoulder to cry on...

He took one last look at young and roguish Padfoot before departing from Number 12.

* * *

He shuffled his feet in front of her ward's door. Why he was feeling apprehensive, was beyond his understanding. He had known her for almost a year and now he was hesitating in visiting her. He took a deep breath and entered.

His breath hitched when he saw her sitting on bed with a dejected look on her face, in plain hospital robes and brown hairs, looking out of window.

She heard movement and looked up at him, giving him a sad smile. He slowly took each step, dreading and anticipating the conversation that would follow.

He sat at the edge of her bed, took her hand in his and kissed her lightly on cheek in greeting.

"Hey, Dora." he whispered meekly. Judging from the look on her face she knew already about Sirius.

"I woke up... You weren't there... Why?" she asked as a greeting and he stuttered.

"I... Um..."

"Oh Merlin, I am _such an idiot_." she exclaimed and he looked up at her in alarm. She had an expression as if she has done something horrible.

"You must have wanted privacy... after... After what happened and I am, like some _clingy, whiny_ girlfriend, demanding to you in such a sad time that why you weren't at your girlfriend's bedside, it wasn't as if I was _dying_, just a minor inju-"

He lightly placed fingers' of his free hand on her lips. "Please, don't- don't say that." he whispered shakily, he could feel stinging behind his eyes. "Injury minor or major, it hurts, and _you know_, if something hurts you even little, it hurts me tenfold."

She looked crestfallen and he slowly removed his hand.

"How are you? Are you in pain?"

"A bit. They have given me loads of pain numbing potion so it doesn't feels much." her volume kept decreasing with each word and she bowed her head. He couldn't understand what to do, what to say, so just ended by showing a little affection by stroking her hairs, tucking a lone strand of brown hair behind her ears.

"I am sorry for being insensitive." she mumbled.

"You are not being insensitive, far from it."

"-and also sorry for..." she continued as if she didn't hear him but trailed off.

He placed thumb and forefinger beneath her chin and picked her head up so that he could peer in her eyes.

"For?"

"For..." she said shakily "For being so _careless_, for being so incompetent, for not being fast enough to handle _Bellatrix_ which ultimately resulted in death of your _last_ of school friends... I am so sorry... Remus-"

"I won't tolerate this from you Dora." he spoke so sternly that for a moment both of them were taken aback. He sighed and softened. "You of all people know, no one is to blame. I am not blaming Harry for running off in search of his godfather, neither am I blaming Dumbledore for not arriving early, nor I blaming anyone of us for not being fast. How can I blame you? If it's anyone's fault, it's Voldemort's and Be- _that_ - _that_ _woman's_ fault. Please don't blame yourself or else you will end up being caught up in a vicious cycle, that you won't ever be able to overcome." he caressed her cheek lightly, all this talking was making him realize, shock was slowly fading and it was sinking that Sirius was dead.

"Dora... _Sirius is_ _dead_... _Gone_." he said unnecessarily, and saying it all aloud hurt him even more. Before he could stop tears slipped from his eyes. As much as he had wanted to be strong for her, truth was, in front of her, he couldn't maintain any sort of facade. She made him want to throw all caution to wind and let his guard down.

Before he knew, he was drowning, drowning in memories of marauders, in his grief, in his tears. The only support was nimble hands of, probably the only person who cared whether he lived or died. She engulfed him gently, and he buried his face in her warm skin of her collarbone, drenching her skin with salty tears.

He cried, unlike the 36 year old man he was, kept crying until his tears dried, until his voice grew hoarse. Dora kept stroking his back, slowly caressing his hairs, threading her clumsy fingers into them, seeping him with warmth.

"Please, _please_ don't ever leave me Dora." he spoke into her skin, his voice muffled. "If-if I ever make any mistake, you can _slap_ me, _shout_ at me, be angry at me, but please _don't leave me_." he knew he sounded very piteous, like a small child sulking that his favorite toy was taken, but for him, there was a lot more at stake. "Marauders said that they would never leave me, but they did. Some died, some didn't trust me enough, and some thought I was a spy and some betrayed, but they all left-left me behind. I don't think I will be ever able to breathe, if you left me. Thinking about life without you… makes me ill… Please don't, _don't die_... Or other-other some _other man_…" he hugged her tighter, forgetting that she was the injured one, but she didn't winced even once.

He knew that these things that he was saying were buried long ago, deep down in his chest, he wouldn't have ever said these things to her, when he almost sounds as if he is pressurizing her, which was the last thing he wanted because he knew she deserved better, but he had got an opportunity to tell her his deepest desires and he didn't wanted to let it go. He still regrets that when he had the chance to tell his friends that how much they meant to him, he had missed it, now he wasn't missing his _this_ chance. Later on, he will chide himself for almost pleading to her, but right now, he wanted his feeling in the open.

"Trust me Remus, I am not leaving you in _any possible way_. I won't die." they both knew that there was no guarantee of that, but it was the exact thing he wanted to hear at that moment. He had spent his whole life living in practicality; a moment of fantasy won't cause any damage.

She held him for a long, long time, kept rocking him, kissing any part she could reach, making soothing voices and whispered sweet nothings in his ear, and slowly slowly the pain lessened a bit. The ache was there but that feeling as if he was suffocating has vanished and right now it was too early to maybe even attempting a smile, but he felt better.

He shifted from his place, immediately feeling loss of warmth. He insisted her to rest, at least to lie down and she obliged. He traced a small scar on her cheek, frowning absently.

"I brought chocolate for you." he stuffed his hand into his trouser's pocket and prayed that it hadn't melted or that he hadn't squished it. He took it out and sighed in relief that it seemed to be in proper shape.

"Your favorite, the one that has caramel. Merlin knows how come you like caramel _in chocolate_."

"Because it's _chewy_." she answered matter-of-factly.

She tore off the wrapper, broke the chocolate in two and gave him an _infinitely small portion_. He huffed at the quantity.

"Then eat _chewing_ gum, if you are interested in _chewy_ stuff."

"You hate when I pop the gum, remember?"

"Yes, because it is a _chewing_ gum, not a _popping_ gum." they shared a quiet chuckle. It seemed so surreal, after all the madness, to talk about such mundane things but also oddly comforting that they had it in them to talk about such ordinary things. After all when it was all getting dark, someone has to be light _somewhere_ in heart, in hopes that everything will be fine.

Dora ate all her chocolate with gusto, as if it held healing powers and was already finish when he himself was still chewing that infinitely small portion.

"You are sweet, you know." he said to her, wiping a little chocolate from corner of her mouth. "Even though you eat like pig." he said, trying to sound teasing.

She hit him lightly in the arm which caused her to wince and he sympathized with her by caressing her ribs, feeling the bandages under the robes.

"This is sweet." she said pointing to now empty wrapper of chocolate. He vanished it with swish of his wand.

He shook his head. "You are. You create unmanly urges in me; cause me to call you _mushy-mush_ names that I always hated with fervor since I was a teenager. You are the type of a woman who causes me to go _aww_ over you."

She smiled."But I have never caught you giving in to these urges."

"I try sweetheart. I am not going to give in so easily." he leaned forward and kissed her forehead. He had seen her drooping eyelids and therefore almost ordered her to sleep.

She looked a little uncertain as if she wanted to be both sleep and remain awake at the same time. She raised a hand towards him which he caught in his.

"Stay-stay until I fall asleep, will you please?" she asked in a small voice.

"You don't have to ask. I will be here. Love you Dora." he said stoking her knuckles with his thumb.

"And I love you." she whispered drowsily, his hand movements lulling her into sleep.

Soon rhythm of her calming deep breaths filled his ears. He looked into her now peaceful face. She was his lifeline. He realized with a pang that she was all he had left. She and Harry. They both were now his reasons to fight war. He would fight for them. This madness, this war has continued for too long. He hoped that it would end soon. Though what scared him more was that before ending, war will get even worse; things would go even downhill and will get darker. But he wanted it to end. He had lived in dark too long.

He would do anything for her. _Anything and everything_. He would do everything he could to provide the life she deserved. He would contribute to the war as much as he could. He had lost too many people. He wasn't losing her.

He looked out of the window. It was early hours of the morning; pink and orange was coloring the sky a bit. He had been having a dream lately. Dream of a small house in some suburban area or somewhere near the beach maybe. Where rustle of breeze or waves of the sea would calm them all into peaceful environment.

A house. In fact, _a home_. A home with _Dora_.

And it was a dream, he wanted to come true.

First time in life, he dared to dream.

* * *

_ A/N:_

_Here it ends. But there will be epilogue soon. Don't you want to know that what it was that made Remus finally gave in to the urge to aww?_

_Anyways. Remus' thoughts in this chapter are bit off canon. I mean in canon by this time he had already decided that he was unworthy of love. But here I wanted to finish on a happier note. That he would stay with her, do everything in his potential to keep them happy._

_Thanks to each and every person who ever reviewed, favorited or followed this fic. Thanks a lot :)_

_And do review for this chapter as well :)_


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